Remember when you were an innocent street artist tagging a billboard, and then you slipped and fell into a giant pile of human remains? It's 'cause you accidentally wandered into Washington D.C., aka the most terrifying place ever. This week's episode of Bones is all about art and feelings and emotions, so you might want to grab a body pillow (for heaving sobs) and a barf-bag (for waves of nausea).

Breaking Two Electric Boogaloo

So, at this point you can't even get your graffiti in our nation's capital without coming face to face with a giant pile of human remains, and this week's case is particularly gruesome. Yep, a wandering Banksy-style street artist named Zed gets affixed to remains when he falls into a pile of glue which mean the entire Jeffersonian team have to haul him back to the lab for analysis. Oh, and bonus? Zed is basically being spooned by the remains  like, they want to make passionate love to him.

Obviously, the nerd squad need to examine said remains, but first they have to remove them from Zed's shirtless bod, which apparently involves Hodgins (TJ Thyne) slathering him in peanut butter. Suffice it to say we shall never be eating a PB&J sandwich again. Our inner child is weeping.

Once Hodge Podge manages to remove Zed's supple body from the remains, the team establishes that the victim was wearing a plastic arrow headband (oh, the hijinks!). Turns out the vic was a telemarketer named Morgan Donnelly, who was being cheated on by his girlfriend. Suspicious!

Booth (David Boreanaz) and Brennan (Emily Deschanel) head over to this broad's house, and after laughing hysterically for no reason (sigh, Washingtonians), she reveals that Morgan was a part-time comedian who hated gags  which makes his arrow headband mighty mysterious. Morgan's gal pal also drops the truth bomb that she and Morgan had an epic fight the night he died, all because she was jealous of his comedy club fan-girls. Yes, they exist.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Credit: Ray Mickshaw/FOXFOX ©2012 Fox Broadcasting Co.

You guys, crisis. Our bodies are not prepared for anything that we are about to tell you. Please clutch your pearls and feel free to vomit, because Angela (Michaela Conlin) has a crush. And her crush is not on Hodgins' decorative array of chin hairs. Nope, she has feelings for Zed, because he's an artist. You know, like she is? They understand each other because of art and doodles, and it's all so beautiful. Or it would be if Angie wasn't married to Hodgins, the father of her missing child.

Sadly Angela is looking for love in all the wrong places, and she plants a kiss on Zed while he has human remains stuck to him. The poor dear proceeds to spiral into an existential crisis about art, magic, supercomputers, and fake babies named Michael, and it's just like sigh. Bridle your passions, girl. By the way, Angela has a giant painting of a unicorn hanging in her office. We forgive her for everything.

Luckily, Hodgins also forgives Angela for kissing Zed (FYI, her excuse is that "he's a great artist"), so ladies listen up. If you see any creepy half naked blonde dudes, feel free to cheat on your husband with them.

Mission Accomplished

Guys, prepare to LOL your pants (read: blue jumpsuit) off. You see, now that the Jeffersonian know Morgan was a comedian, Booth just can't resist the urge to go undercover in a comedy club to see if anyone reacts to a few stolen jokes (after all, theft could be motive for murder!).

Naturally, boyfriend decides to debut his funny bone at "open mic" night, which he fails at miserably. Mostly because no one understands the subtle genius of jokes like "is it just me or are circles pointless," and because his brilliant plan to out Morgan's murder doesn't come to fruition. Oh, cruel irony.

Meanwhile back at the lab, Cam (Tamara Taylor) fondles the victim and ascertains that he died five days ago, Brennan figures out that he was struck with a blunt-edge object , and Dr. Fisher gleefully covers the victim's body in cockroaches.

But who killed this funny dude? That would be Elliot, the victim's girlfriend's brother, who thought Morgan was trying to steal his jokes, and clobbered him over the head with a toilet seat as punishment. Basically he died by swirly, and Hodgins discovers this lovely fact after inspecting almost every toilet in Washington D.C. Which is basically the best montage that has ever happened in Bones history. You're welcome, world.

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