Credit: FoxFlash

Two families, both alike in dignity. In fair West Virginia, where people keep getting strung up on trees and left for dead. Yep, another murderer is running around the dirty south killing people Romeo and Juliet-style, but fear not — Brennan (Emily Deschanel) and Booth (David Boreanaz) are on the case!

P.S. Baby Christine is Mercutio.

Love's Labours Lost

When a truffle hunter and his enormous hog find a skeleton in the middle of the woods (Side note: Middle of the woods equals scariest place ever), Bones and Booth head to the crime scene in ecstasy. More dead bodies, whoopie! Oh, and said body has glowing eyes that are red like the fires of Mordor!

Apparently, dead zombie bodies are the biggest turn-on ever, because after months — nay, years — of waiting for Booth and Brennan to pack on the PDA, they make out in front of their astonished co-workers. Sigh, nothing spells romance like the stench of death and maggots. Don't you think?

Speaking of maggots, the victim's eyes were glowing due to a few worms living in his sockets, which causes Hodgins (TJ Thyne) to nerd out all over the place. He drags Angela (Michaela Conlin) to the crime scene to find the victim's fatal bullet, but even better? They hit the mega-millions truffle jackpot and Hodgins makes, like, ten O-faces.

Meanwhile, Brennan falsely IDs the victim as an 80-year old when he's actually 65! Girlfriend's game is way off, probably because she's distracted that her bundle of joy was expelled from daycare. Pshh, all those other peasant babies are just jealous (they can't handle the truth!), and thanks to their inferiority, Brennan has to find a nanny.

Enter The Murderer Formerly Known As Max, aka our favorite professional killer-turned-lovable-gramps! Brennan's relieved when Booth asks for Max's help with Baby Christine, but is he really the best person for the job? After all, Max abandoned Brennan when she was just a mini-genius — and he doesn't even have a Ph.D.!

A Rose By Any Other Name

Time to solve murders, people! This week's victim was a yokel yoke named Tug Babcock, whose family have been "at war" with their backwoods neighbors, The Mobleys, since the 1800s. Clearly, B&B need to get their investigation on, so they book it over to the middle of nowhere, and proceed to get shot at by a geriatric old man who gives them some much-needed scoop. Back in ye olden days, a Mobley and a Babcock hooked up (awww!), but then they were poisoned and everything went to hell. The Ms and Bs have been fighting over land ever since, but the real question — what would Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes do?

Meanwhile, Sweets interviews Tug's land prospector (who was wandering the woods for copper on the night Tug died),  and he passes the blame onto Sue Bob — a feral Mobley gal who was making hillbilly love to Junior Babcock that same night. Oh, dang, wherefore art thou, ya'lls?

In other news, everyone's favorite squintern, Daisy (Carla Gallo), discovers fragments of bone around the bullet — but they don't belong to the victim! Turns out the bullet is packed with great-great-great-great grandpa Mobley's bone dust as part of an ancient, podunk ritual — but we should probably call in forensic expert, ZZ Top, just to be sure.  

All's Well That Ends Well

Oh, Daisy. This girl has a heart of gold, and when she finds out that Tug was diagnosed with bone cancer just weeks before he was killed, she's determined to solve the Mobley-Babcock feud once and for all. Get it, girl! Daisy enlists Hodgins' help, and after they binge-eat some rancid spaghetti, they realize that his crime-scene truffles are contaminated with copper...which is what killed the Mobley and Babcock star-crossed lovers in the 1800s!  

Meanwhile, Brennan pulls a Momzilla when she can't get ahold of Max, and makes Booth call the cops. When he finally shows up, Brennan kicks her dad out of the house as punishment for accidentally leaving his cell phone off while taking care of Christine! Don't worry, Brenny comes to her senses and forgives Max during a gut-wrenching (for us, sob!) bonding session, but we're starting to understand why Christine and her halo were kicked out of daycare...

So, who killed Grandpa Tug? Booth and Sweets (John Francis Daley) realize Junior's lawyer mom, Claire Babcock, had the most to gain from Tug's death since he wanted to end the feud, and she made big bucks off family lawsuits. At first, Claire tries to use her legal skills to evade the law, but when Hodgins discovers that her clothes are filled with truffle spores from the crime scene (delicious), she's guilty as charged. High fives all around, team!

Oh, and in case you're wondering, Cam was also in this episode, but she spent most her time flipping her hair back and forth in jealousy over Brennan and Daisy's discoveries. Get thee a boyfriend, Cam!

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