Bones is back! We missed it so much. Here's our full recap of the premiere!
We’ve got an action-packed beginning here, with camo-clad, heavily armed soldiers dashing through the woods. There’s a spray of gunfire, a soldier barely gets out of the way, and a poor, innocent rock is riddled with...paint? Well, that certainly lowers the stakes a little, although these guys are certainly taking their paintball outing pretty seriously. And then, there it is! The disgusting body is even more disgusting when the guy knocks some white goo out of the eye with his finger — and oh, great, there’s a spider crawling out of the skull, to boot.
Cut to Booth (David Boreanaz) and Brennan (Emily Deschanel) having a hard time getting around in the former’s kitchen. Poor, maladroit Booth can't seem to get through a conversation without implying that Brennan’s gotten a liiiiiittle bit bigger. Mitigate the awkwardness with a few heartwarming kisses, and then we’re back to the arguing we so love. Booth insists that Brennan’s going to ask him to get married, and Brennan, true to form, has no problem shooting that hypothesis down.
Luckily, Booth is rescued from terminal awkwardness by the call — we’ve got a murder! Hilarity ensues at the crime scene — we were prepared to see Brennan burst into tears, but Hodgins (TJ Thyne)’s addition to the conversation keeps the laughs coming: “Angela [Michaela Conlin] used to cry at the ShamWow! commercial” (with a knowing nod).
Back in the Jeffersonian, the gross-out continues, with Cam (Tamara Taylor) taking a circular saw to the dead woman’s skull. Poor Wendell (Michael Grant Terry) seems to have caught the awkward bug from Booth, as he can’t seem to properly convey that he’s sufficiently intimidated by his boss. Now that Cam has emptied the skull, we discover that the victim has beetles on the brain...or, rather, in the brain!
Cut to Sweets (John Francis Daley) and Booth having one of their characteristic one-sided heart-to-hearts. “All I need from you is the shrinky stuff,” Booth says, and naturally, Sweets takes the opening to pester him about his living arrangements with Brennan. As we could have guessed, Booth’s not about to discuss that.
Meanwhile, in the lab, Wendell and Angela are pretty interested in Brennan’s weeping-at-the-crime-scene episode. Wendell adroitly blames the waterworks on chorionic gonadotropin, while Angela laments that she wasn’t around to see the event. Brennan divulges that Booth, in fact, took a picture, but considering Brennan’s parallel shot of Booth making an omelet naked, Brennan’s confident that her weepy photo shoot won’t see the light of day. Angela, of course, is exceedingly interested in saucy Booth photos — try to remember that you’re married now, Mrs. Hodgins!
While Hodgins discovers that the body was covered with linseed oil, Cam ferrets out some prior damage in the brain (read: blunt trauma to the head). Turns out our victim was being treated for anxiety -- possibly as a result of being beaten?
At this point, Brennan has to interrupt Angela’s careful skull reconstruction to talk about feelings (come on, guys, you knew this was coming). Brennan’s upset that Booth’s not falling into line re: not moving in together. But Angela gives Brennan no quarter: “You and Booth made that baby together, so it’s gonna expect the both of you to be there.” Brennan might not want to hear that, but she can't be mad at Angela — not with an adorable video on the big screen of Hodgela disporting with the new baby!
Booth, meanwhile, sits down with Joseph Serrano (Brad Greenquist), the victim’s husband, this time with Sweets (and not Brennan!) at his side. Serrano reveals that he’s a pastor, his congregation had been praying for his wife. Why? Well, some time ago, Claire had a bad habit of spontaneously not knowing anything about who she was — and, in fact, making up a completely new personality in what Sweets calls a “fugue state.”
So we’re dealing with an amnesiac...
Booth and Brennan discuss the case over lunch, with Brennan alleging that God is what Sweets would call "a sociopath." Booth, aghast, counters that “God is not a sociopath!” “Well,” Brennan quips in response “let’s just say, I don’t want Him babysitting for our child.” Several rapid bites of pie later, Brennan abruptly changes the subject to housing: she's decided that it’s a good idea for her and Booth to move in together! Booth’s delighted...until Brennan wants him to move into her place. With the baby in her, Brennan alleges, and with her greater financial success, and considering the Iroquois (only Brennan!), Booth should totally be cool with this. “This should be my decision.”
But he’s not — in fact, Booth is pissed. “We’re family,” he says, angry face in full force. “Even you should know what that means.”
In comes Sweets to cut the tension! Unfortunately, he fails miserably — but he does at least provide a distraction to get the feuding couple away from each other to cool off. He's not much help for Booth, though, as he starts getting "shrinky" on the way to interview another victim. Once again (and, we daresay, as always), Booth's not having it. "Your voice, it just gets all...sensitive. It's irritating!"
The dynamic duo arrives to interview Dr. David Yazrick (Martin Grey), a sort of amnesia specialist who just happened to get "bounced from Vegas for counting cards." Yazrick was treating Claire, and he reports that toward the end, she was making some real progress — even remembering events from her wedding. This turned out to be problematic for one of the guys in Claire's amnesia focus group: a plane crash survivor named Trevor Quan (Jamison Yang) who had become pretty attached to Claire. That would be amnesiac Claire, though...and if she was getting better, might that have given our widower cause to get upset?
Back at the lab, Cam takes a shot at being "shrinky"...but Brennan's quick to shoot her down. That doesn't stop Brennan from soliloquizing about the virtues of amnesia, though: "she had the opportunity to start fresh...create a better life." Clearly her head is elsewhere!
Yazrick introduces Booth and Sweets to Quan, a former concert violinist. Our suspect quickly turns creep-o when he tearfully insists that he and Claire belonged together -- all while literally playing a sorrowful tune on the world's smallest violin. Booth's not about to let some ditty interfere with his powers of observation, however, and he notices a curious item in our widower's violin case. Why, it's linseed oil -- the same substance Hodgins found at the crime scene! Good time to cut to commercial!
The next scene's worth the wait, though: here's Angela, sneaking baby Hodgins into the lab! We get about fifteen minutes of irreconcilable cuteness before Cam comes in and ruins everything. After all, there's a strict "no babies" policy in the Jeffersonian. But "[y]our daughter visits," Angela complains. Cam's not buying it: "She's eighteen. She's not gonna spit up on the mass spectrometer." Even Cam can't help being charmed by this golden child, though — but he's still not allowed in the lab!
In the park, Brennan puts on her sad face and makes to apologize to Booth. True to form, she immediately makes a travesty of it by insisting that the Iroquois demand Booth's moving in with her. Booth, in a rare efflorescence of rationality, argues that there are about twenty Indian tribes wherein the woman moves in with the man. (In fact, in one of them, Booth would get to shoot Brennan in the leg with an arrow.) Brennan concedes the point, and Booth presses his advantage from there: "Look, Bones: I love you; that's not rational. Us having a kid -- that's not rational. But...here we are." Mixing reason and emotion? Booth, you expert debater, you! (Best debate technique of all? Get a phone call and leave directly after making your point.)
Back at the FBI, Booth and Sweets conclude that Kwan can't be their guy. However, they do have domestic disturbance reports against Claire's husband, complete with a photo of Claire sporting a nice big bruise on her cheek. At the same time, Wendell discovers a bullet wound in the victim — but this one healed, so it's not what killed Claire.
In the interrogation room, Booth asks Serrano about a certain woman whose name shows up in both police reports. According to Serrano, it's just a "friend of Claire's from the church." All of a sudden, Booth's getting some big, fat affair vibes. But Serrano's got his lips zipped.
Now it's Angela's turn to play shrink with Brennan. Even though Brennan was in foster care and naturally must fear beginning a family, Angela says, she needs to think instead of the (admittedly brief) good times she had with her parents. No concerns about the hostile real estate market should prevent Brennan from seeking out a brand new place with Booth. Heck, if the two didn't conveniently identify the gun that shot Claire (reminder: not the murder weapon!), that might have evolved into a really moving conversation!
As it turns out, Claire wasn't shot in some domestic dispute — no, she was actually shot by a homeowner while robbing the guy's place. Yazrick tells Sweets and Booth that yeah, it's possible that Claire could enter an "I'm a criminal now" fugue state if she was near someone similar (crime literally contagious?). Turns out she was near exactly that sort of person, and naturally, Booth intends to talk to said someone.
Hodgins, for his part, has the actual murder weapon now: "a field spade used for digging trenches and for gardening." "And graves, it seems," replies Wendell darkly.
Booth meets up with Claire's accomplice at a halfway house. Thing is, this guy knew Claire as "Brenda," and he gets mightily offended when he hears that the body was discovered near an oak grove. Turns out our miscreant buried a big payoff there in a canvas bag (traces of which Hodgins found earlier at the crime scene);Claire/Brenda must have taken somebody out there to try to dig it up. "Serves her right getting killed," he says. "Wish I'd done it myself." Always a good "didn't do it" sign.
Booth reconvenes with Sweets, who sums up what we know so far in such a way that you might have to replay if you're not paying close attention the first time (it somehow involves Chinese food). But Brennan interrupts the brainstorming session with an urgent phone call, and next thing we know, there's an ambulance speeding down a D.C. highway.
What?! Is Brennan giving birth?! Why, no — she's just fallen down, and she's too big to get up unassisted. Booth's all too eager to help, but not before snapping a few pictures. How many will it take to cancel out the naked omelet, we wonder?
Booth, now racked by guilt, apologizes for Brennan for being harsh about the house-hunting. He just doesn't want his kid to think he's anything like his dad, who never could give Booth a real home. "I know you're not your father," Brennan assures him, "but I do think that we should get our own place together." Problem solved! ("Even though it's a foolish investment in this market.")
Kissy time commences, but fans are doomed to be disappointed again, as Brennan breaks off after noticing a previously disregarded photo from the crime scene. "Wha -- that was our mo...that was our moment, right there?" stutters Booth, doubtless mimicking the sentiments of frustrated shippers the world over.
At the café, Booth and Sweets discover a curiosity: Yazrick never even asked Claire about the missing six months in which she became the "better half" of Bonnie and Clyde. Further inspection of Yazrick's notes reveals that the good doctor was actually out gambling when he was supposed to be treating Claire. Uh-oh...
Well, Yazrick might have a gambling problem, but that's not enough for an arrest. With Wendell and Hodgins at the crime scene x-raying paint, Brennan notices a wad of chewing gum buried under one of the brightly colored spatters. And in that chewing gum? A perfect dental indentation. Looks like we've got our guy!
Booth and Sweets pay one more visit to Yazrick, where they mercilessly put the pieces together: Claire knew where her accomplice's money was buried, she told Yazrick in one of their sessions, and he killed her to get the bag. And away to jail the good doctor goes!
With the murder solved, Booth and Brennan install themselves in bed and watch the baseball game. Booth's television-watching in the bedroom looks to be short-lived, though: according to Brennan, "research shows that [having a TV in the bedroom] can compromise your sex life." Two seconds' hesitation from Booth, and then: "We'll get a big one for the family room. How's that?" Good on you, Booth, keeping your priorities straight!
Well, it looks like the house-hunting is indeed going to be a long and drawn out process, especially if Booth intends to split the cost fifty-fifty. But, hey, no big deal. After all, it's going to be an adventure for both parties: "New memories, new life."