Shocker: Hodgins (TJ Thyne) and his prepubescent beard aren't featured in this week's WTF moments. Mostly because we're so used to him making love to maggots that his antics barely surprise us anymore.
But fear not! There were plenty of WTF moments during this week's episode of Bones, mostly pertaining to Parker. You know, Parker? That kid that Booth (David Boreanaz) had back in ye olden times? Yeah, we don't know either, but apparently he's a character on this show.
1. Booth Refuses To Let Sweets Move Out
We're pretty sure Booth and Brennan (Emily Deschanel) have unofficially adopted Sweets (John Francis Daley). At first this freak / geek was simply squatting in their house due to his status as a Homeless Grifter, but he's been living in Parker's room for a good six months. In fact, we're pretty sure he's replaced Parker in Booth's heart.
Poor Sweets wants nothing more than to live like a real person, but Booth won't let him move out. Guys, we're worried that our favorite Secret Agent Man has imprinted on Sweets like Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. Get out while you can, Lance. Get out while you can.
2. Brennan Wants To Be Picked Apart By Vultures And/Or Poured Into A Volcano
We can only assume that Brennan is a huge Lord of the Rings fan-girl, because she wants her cremated remains (aka The One Ring) to be dumped in a volcano (aka Mordor) by Booth (aka Frodo).
But if that doesn't go as planned (we can't imagine what could possibly go wrong with Booth and Christine taking a vacation to a molten lava pit), there's always Plan B. In which Brennan's body gets picked apart but a bunch of rabid vultures. Try not to be too turned on, Hodgins.
3. Booth Leaves Parker Out Of His Will
Remember when Parker went crazy and built that creepy mobile last time he was visiting Booth and Brennan? And then wandered off on "vacation" (or something) with his mom (or someone)? Well, apparently B&B have completely forgotten about his existence.
In fact, Booth left Parker out of his sticky note will, and when Brennan brought it up he was just like "Eh, whatevs, you'll take care of him." Jeez, no wonder this kid is wandering around Europe "finding himself."
4. Booth Doesn't Say Goodbye To Parker In His Home Video
It goes without saying that Christine is Booth's favorite child (after all, she's a holy deity), but we thought Booth would at least mention Parker in his goodbye video. You know, just a brief shout-out at the end like "Hey Parker –– I love you or whatever," but nope.
Instead, Booth waxed poetic about how much he loves Christine, brought himself to tears, and completely forgot about Parker. Isn't it enough that this poor kid has some middle aged homeless man living in his bed and was left out of his dad's will? How much more can a seven year old take?
5. Brennan Wants To Tantric Sex-Up Booth
Did anyone else notice that Brennan knows way too much about Tantric sex? We're all fans of Sting around these parts, but it's pretty obvious that girlfriend wants to have an eight-hour humpty dump session with her baby daddy.
We're all for it, but maybe Booth and Brennan should learn how to have regular sex before moving on to Tantric territory. Need we remind you that they still haven't had an on-camera love making journey? Unacceptable.