Best Castle Quotes From Season 5, Episode 11: "Under the Influence"

Sometimes all you need in the world is a good laugh — and this week’s episode of Castle didn't miss a beat in that department! Here are our picks for the top quotes from Season 5, Episode 11: “Under the Influence.”

12. Esposito: Dude, nobody says bling anymore. Try shine.

Does Webster’s know this?

11. Beckett: Where’s the host?
Castle: Forget the host. Where’s your pants? Nah, I’ve been there. Check by the pool.

Not that shocking, actually.

10. Esposito: Junior, here, tried to pull a Houdini on me last night.
Joey: Who the hell is Houdini?

Only the David Blaine of the late 1800s. No biggie.

9. Castle: Ew. Grunt work. I’ll come back later.

His helping hands didn’t sign up for that part.

8. Esposito (to Ryan): Hey, Fanboy. Let’s go.

Watch your step over the puddle of drool. 

7. Regina: My record sales may be down, but I can still afford a damn good lawyer.

Even Olivia Pope wouldn’t take you on.

6. M.C. Thug: You guy’s are gonna do a mugshot, right? ‘Cause I brought my lighting guy with me.

A picture’s a picture, no matter where you take it.

5. Castle: In a relationship, if you choose a movie and you choose very, very poorly, do you lose your turn?
Esposito: How poorly?
Beckett: Valentine’s Day.
Esposito: You should lose two turns.

While you’re at it, don’t pass go or collect $200 either.

4. Esposito: Behold … Monster.
Castle: More like Cookie Monster.

Me want cookies … and diamonds.

3. Joey: Where’s the super hot detective?
Esposito: You’re looking at him. Don’t laugh. I was featured in the NYPD calendar.

Umm … can we get a copy?

2. Joey: What are you, Officer Babysitter? You get paid extra for doing that?

The alternative is daycare, aka jail.

1. Esposito: What? Dude, remember that music video where she was dressed up as a sexy little Girl Scout? I don’t care what those cookies cost, I’d sell my left …

He’s never looked at Thin Mints the same way.