Monday night’s all-new episode of Castle was filled with so many good lines, that we could barely contain ourselves. With Castle having to endure the kidnapping of his daughter, Alexis, we were so startled to see Rick’s transformation from goofy lovable dad to caped crusader, sans the cape.
Unfortunately, we can't copy and paste the entire script from Castle Season 5, Episode 15: “Target,” but take a look at some of our favorite quotes.
1. Castle (to Martha): You’re cooking! This must be a dream or perhaps a nightmare.
What a way to show your mother’s cooking some love, Castle!
2. Castle: She’ll be back, like Simba in The Lion King. It’s the circle of life.
Cue music: naaaaat-zebenyaaaaa-babageetse-baba. Side note — we gotta learn the real lyrics to the part of the song someday.
3. Bram Stoker (to Castle): The ladies are kinda digging on vampires right now … my name is Bram Stoker, for once in my life it’s working for me.
Yeah, cause what really turns a woman on is a man named “Bram Stoker” (insert eye roll).
4. Castle: Though by definition, science-fiction is not science.
Esposito: It has the word in it.
Castle: That’s an excellent point.
Wait, so does that mean that Scientology is a science too?
5. Castle (to Agent Harris): So you’re saying she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time...
Isn’t that always the case when it comes to girls who are friends with the daughters of hated millionaires?
6. Castle: Gates will see.
Beckett: I don’t care.
Atta girl, Kate. Console your man.
7. Gates: You do whatever you need to do to get him back his little girl. Anything you need, detective.
Translation: “Detective, find his girl by any means necessary.” Way to go Malcolm X on them, Gates.
8. Martha (to Castle): She’s going to be alright. I feel it in my heart and my heart is never wrong.
Castle: What about your first marriage?
Castle: And your second?
Really mom? Maybe you should’ve picked something more concrete...
9. Beckett: Castle, listen...
Castle to Beckett: Don’t. Don’t promise me you’ll find her unless you can do it, ‘cause I’ll never forgive you...
Uh-oh. Please don’t let this case be the undoing of their relationship... *sobs*
10. Castle (to Beckett): What’s in the van? What’s in the van!
Castle (to Lanie): Whose blood is that? Did someone die in there? Lanie did she die in there?
This episode should’ve came with a disclaimer: “Warning! This episode may be too intense for those with heart problems. Viewer discretion is advised.”
11. Lanie (to Castle): It’s B negative. It’s not from your baby. I’m right there with you honey.
Praise sweet Jebus on a cross with little baby Simba lying at his feet!
12. Alexis (to Sarah): My dad will find us. He works with the police, I’m sure he’s looking for us right now.
That’s right Lexie. Stay positive… daddy is on his way!
13. Alexis (to Sarah): Either this room is seriously soundproof, or we’re not in New York.
Damn, this girl figured out they were drugged, in an old building, out of the city in about 2.5 seconds?! Um, I’d choose to be abducted with Alexis any day.
14. Castle (to Beckett): I’d like a minute with him.
15. Castle: I’m not a cop.
Douglas Stevens: Then who are you?
Castle: Remember the girl with the red hair? I’m her father. Please know, I will do whatever it takes to get her back.
Dude, you better start talking...
16. Castle: So it’s just you and me.
Douglas Stevens: If you touch me, I’ll press charges.
Castle: I don’t care.
The last time we saw Castle this dark was … never?
17. Castle: Where did he take the girls?
Douglas Stevens: (silence)
Castle: I won’t ask you again, where did he take the girls?
Douglas Stevens: (screams)
When they say “the pen is mightier than the sword,” they didn’t lie...
18. Beckett: Want any coffee?
Castle: No thanks, my adrenaline will suffice.
Because there’s nothing like torturing a man into giving up info to wake you up in the morning.
19. Castle: It’s all happening too fast and too slow at the same time.
Beckett: Tell me what happened with Douglas Stevens.
Castle: I appealed to his humanity.
Beckett: I didn’t think you had that side to you.
Castle: When it comes to the people I love, I do.
Maybe we should change his name to Richard Castle: Dark Avenger.
20. Alexis (to Sarah): My dad taught me how to do this when he was researching for one of his books. He actually bought a door for us to practice on.
Sarah (to Alexis): Was this recently?
Alexis (to Sarah): I was 10.
Meanwhile, when we were 10, we were stuck in class learning something boring like long division. Picking locks would’ve been a much better lesson.
Are there any of your favorite quotes that didn’t make the list? Be sure to let us know in the comments!