This week’s Castle episode had it all: a dinner from hell, a dead priest, and our dynamic duo on the run from the Irish mob. What more could you ask for? Maybe a little more Caskett lip-locking? That’s just our suggestion. But one thing that wasn’t lacking was the number of one-liners and zippy zingers that we have come to know and love about Castle.

And without further adieu, here are this week’s top quotables from Season 5, Episode 8: “After Hours.”

12. Castle: Someone had a priest assassinated? It’s like a Vatican conspiracy.

The Illuminati does exist.  

11. Castle: Dude, where’s your car?

Ashton Kutcher is somewhere smiling right now.  

10. Ryan: Surveillance cam footage outside the church backs Sister Mary’s story. Not that I’d ever doubt a nun.

Exactly. When’s the last time a nun lied to you? Think about it.

9. Beckett: So, you’re the boy with the dragon tattoo now?

Nah, Castle talks way more than she ever did.

8. Martha: It’s to die for, literally. I call it “death by chocolate.”
Castle: Now, given your baking experience, is that a prediction?

We think Castle ate out at a lot of restaurants growing up.

7. Beckett: Honestly, a creature bursting out of my dad’s chest might have lightened the mood.

Aliens should always be invited to dinner parties.

6. Ryan: We’re interviewing a nun?
Esposito: Yeah, and I’m gonna be the good cop. You’re gonna be the bad cop so...

Just pray now, Ryan.

5. Leo:  We’re gonna end up floating in the river with cement shoes on.
Castle: Yes, well, technically, if you have cement shoes, you’re not gonna be floating.

Captain obvious is definitely not helping the situation.

4. Ryan: Catholic school is like combat. Unless you’ve been there, you don’t know.
Esposito: Uh, I have been there — in combat.

They are totes the same thing.

3. Martha (to Captain Gates): Oh, please stop. You are a terrible actress.

Oh, snap! Gates might have met her match.

2. Castle: But look at the lock screen.
Leo: What?
Beckett: The password’s the cat’s name.
Leo: Great, so what’s the cat’s name?
Beckett: He doesn’t know.

Is the latest obsession still cats?

1. Leo: Great. You have an engineering degree or electronics experience?
Castle: No, but I’ve seen every episode of MacGyver. 

Castle could even build a raft with only three Q-tips and piece of chewing gum.


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