Castle, Season 5, Episode 9: “Secret Santa” might have missed the mark on the mistletoe incident (somehow, we’ll recover), but there certainly wasn’t a shortage of holiday-themed puns, jokes, and all-round fun quotables. Even Scrooge would have cracked a smile — minus the whole dead Santa falling from the sky and corrupt mortgage-lending fiasco. But Castle and Beckett still managed to warm our hearts in the end as usual.

Check out our top quotable moments from this week’s ep and be sure to add your favorites down below.

13. Esposito (to Ryan): So go home. make a baby. You’re ready.

The future baby Ryan is going to have the coolest  "uncle" ever.

12. Captain Gates: Let’s finish up this hoochie-coochie thing and get on with it.

She is always full of surprises, like lingo.

11. Castle: I was just coming to see you.
Beckett: I was coming to see you.

Cute minds think alike.

10. Dunne: Maybe it’s time to hang up the fluffy, red jockstrap.

If you do, burn it! That’s not something you pass down to the next Santa-in-line.

9. Gates: Lord, I hate the holidays.
Castle: Yet another quality she has in common with the Grinch.

Please alert Cindy Lou Who that she has another heart to thaw out.

8. Castle: There's no honor among thieves, even Santa thieves.

Not even Santa can escape the justice system.

7. Castle: Looks like our Santa was more naughty than nice.

Does that mean he gives himself coal?

6. Beckett: And how is that less plausible than your sleigh?
Castle: I think you mean less "clausible."

How long has Castle been holding that one in?

5. Castle: Wait ‘til you see my train set.

A hunch says it’s massive.

4. Dunne: Yeah, I drank too much peppermint schnapps and went over to his place and popped off. 

TMI, Santa. 

3. Esposito: Shouldn’t you be at home stuffing your wife’s stocking?

Is that a question or a command? 

2. Beckett: I hate to break it to you, Castle, but there is no Santa.
Castle: Well, not any more.

In case you were wondering. Secret’s out now, folks. 

1. Castle: I was just thinking it’s time for a new tradition.

Yes, it’s called “Kissing Kate!”


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