Credit: ABC Photo: Richard Castle in 3.15 "The Final Nail"

Appropriately, Valentine’s Day was the big topic of conversation on Monday night. From the quirky to the uninspired to the deranged, we’ve rated the episode’s valentines from best to worst. You might switch up the order, but we can probably all agree on number five.

1. Alexis

Like her pa, we already knew Alexis was a genius, but seriously, she outdid herself in the thoughtful department. The touching tribute to her boyfriend’s long lost rat, Theodore — a photo of the furry friend in a frame labeled “True Love” — was perfect kind of present for anyone who says they don’t care about Valentine’s Day. It’s covertly all the words you’re trying to resist — sentimental, gushy, and romantic.

2. Esposito

Esposito was suffering from a very common case of Confused by the First Holiday Together, and might have had the funniest line of the night: “Lanie doesn’t care about that stuff.” Ha! Oh, Detective. Good one. In the end, he made a move: “I’m gonna play it safe and show up with a gift. Found this little jewelry store that sells stuff, you know, that girlfriends like. Necklaces, charm bracelets.” Not exactly a line from Byron, but good for him.

3. Ryan

Ryan intercepted before Esposito made a tragic no-gift misstep, and then said he was getting chocolate for Jenny. That’s all well and good, but considering the great weight he placed on V-Day in front of his partner, we thought he was getting her a swan or something. He did just give Jenny an engagement ring, though, so that’s like five holidays in one.

4. Beckett

“Josh is a surgeon. I’m a cop. In the unlikely event that we have a couple of hours free on Monday night, we might go to dinner.” Beckett’s just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

5. Amber the Psycho

What can we say, Amber? You nail gunned someone’s face for your valentine.  Wasn’t everyone a little nervous when she reached over and grabbed Angela Chase’s dad’s hand? Then came the crazy girl refrain: “I love you so much. She could never love you the way I do.” Yes, and killing the mother of his children is just the way to show it. The moral of the story is, when Cupid only shoots one person in the relationship, someone else gets shot.