Credit: Michael Desmond /ABC Television Group (C) 2010 Disney Photo: Tobias Strange Sparkles in Episode 3.12 “Poof! You’re Dead”
Ohhhh mannnn...

Lanie and Esposito Are Totally Hooking Up
: And need to cover it up. But we don’t: Lanie and Esposito are totally hooking up! Meanwhile, Castle and Gina got into a fight at Le Cirque and it’s all over the paper. Really? Anyway...

There’s A Magician Technician in the Water: Zalman Drake, owner of Drake’s Magic Shop, is found dead in a water-torture-tank-trick-thing in said shop. Sad. But if you work in a magic shop, kind of an epic way to go, no? There’s a suicide note (with no signature) explaining that he was about to lose the family business. Zalman’s assistant mentions two important things: 1. Zalman had been MIA a lot recently. 2. A guy threw Zalman through a display case last month. This guy is Jerome, who sued Zalman for reading his mind — which was filled with adulterous thoughts — in front of his wife. Now whose fault is that? Jerome alibis out. Moving on. Zalman also got a guy named Charles Russell kicked out of the American Magician’s Guild for misuse of explosives in his act. Chuck’s fingerprints were all over the suicide note. A little incriminating. But as it turns out...

Zalman Was Actually Buying Explosives: Under a black light one can clearly see that the suicide note is really an invoice Russell wrote for a bunch o’ illegal C4 explosives Zalman purchased. Zalman was a trick designer working for Tobias Strange, the hottest magician in the biz. Beckett and Castle question Strange, who says that Zalman was his engineer for fifteen years up until he recently discovered his partner was totes cheating on him with another magician. Are there any faithful magic shop owners left in this world? Strange flat out admits he was peeved that Zalman might spill some of his secrets, but he came to terms with it with it. Strange also wasn’t using any explosives: “C4 is too volatile and unpredictable,” he says. “It kills.” Sure does! Strange also mentions that Zalman was working on some super secret stuff in a super secret magic workshop. Oh, and BTDubs...

Zalman Didn’t Drown In the Water Tank
: He was asphyxiated ahead of time. Someone else wrote the suicide note. Figures. Using a soggy Metrocard, Castle and Becks track down Zalman’s secret magic workshop. They look around at a guillotine, a giant clock, and other treasures you typically find in a standard secret magic workshop.  Then, Drake walks in! But it’s Edmund Drake, Zalman’s identical twin brother, who’s just an accountant in Poughkeepsie. One brother is always an accountant in Poughkeepsie, huh? Zalman recently asked Edmund, the disappointing, non-magician in the family, to hide a half million dollars from the government. Meanwhile, Lanie finds white rabbit hair in Zalman’s teeth and throat, as well as traces of some kind of nerve agent. What the hell was Zalman doing? Also, there were wheelchair tracks in the secret magic workshop, which Esposito, when he’s not busy sleeping with Lanie, tracks to...

A Wheelchair-bound Man Who Should Have Put A Few Clues Together: Thaddeus Magnus says he really had nothing to do with Zalman Drake’s murder, but he does know Zalman was working for some shady dudes. All he did was make Zalman a mechanical arm, nothing with explosives. Wait, say Castle and Beckett: What about an arm that could set off an explosive? Funny you mention that, replies Magnus. He just assumed everything Zalman told him was a joke: “He said this was his greatest magic trick ever. He said he was getting paid a fortune to get away with murder!” Oh, Thaddeus Magnus. He probably was a little serious. In fact...

People May Have Hired Zalman to Help Plan a Murder: Somehow, Castle and Beckett figure out simultaneously that it was jet oil in Zalman’s throat, and he blew up billionaire philanthropist Christian Dahl’s plane during an attempted transatlantic flight. Duh! Using takeoff footage from the FAA, they spot Zalmon Drake dressed as a caterer delivering what they think is a catering box with explosives and a triggering device to the plane. Who hired Drake to do this? Well, the obvious suspect is Dahl’s cheating wife, Naomi, who was about to be left with no cash per their pre-nup. But Naomi’s like, “Dude had no cash.” Beckett finds out Dahl was running a Ponzi scheme. He must have hired a magician to help him fake his own death! And then killed subsequently that magician. But Dahl...

Shoulda Stayed Dead, Bro: This is the part where Castle and Beckett talk really fast, and it’s like we drank something cold too quickly. Basically, Zalman wheeled that catering box onto the plane to switch out the real Dahl for a Dummy Dahl (complete with a mechanical arm). The real Dahl “flew” the plan from the ground with a remote control. Plane exploded, everyone thought Dahl was dead, and Dahl killed Zalman. Dahl gets away with this, but makes the rather narcissistic decision to attend his own funeral, where Castle and Beckett confront him. Back at the station, Beckett tells a defiant Dahl the hair from his rabbit fur gloves was found in Zalman’s throat. But to really seal the deal, she has Edmund dress up as the corpse of his brother Zalman to trick Dahl into a full confession. Finally, Edmund is in on the family business. Castle then has to run along because....

It’s Time to Break Up with Gina
: Of course, Beckett overhears the call. Of course, she seizes the opportunity to invite Castle to the Comfort Food truck. Castle asks where Motorcycle Boy Josh is. We’ve tried to be nice by calling him Motorcycle Man, but what’s the difference? The boy-man will soon be riding that bike alone. Oh, and...     

Everyone Knows About Lanie and Esposito
: The rest of the office always knows.