Castle-itis symptoms including skipping for joy on Mondays, solving the whodunit within the first 15 minutes, and inserting the words "Caskett" and "Esplanie" into random conversations with strangers. It's OK. This is just our version of the new normal.

But every so often, we tilt our heads, do a double take and go "huh?" And thus, we have our Top 3 WTF moments of the week.

3. Magic Mike, Party of One

Pardon us, got any sexual tension between Beckett and Castle? Nope. Alright, we’ll take the next best thing: five guys gyrating around in loincloths to "Jungle Boogie," performing for a one-man audience. That’s right, you heard us.

Beckett and Castle raid a seemingly abandoned warehouse near the river, only to find their newest suspect calling all of his shots from a solo director’s chair in the middle of the floor. And no one else is there. No choreographer, no assistant, and certainly no screaming cougars validating all of the air-humping while waving around dollar bills. What kind of legitimate business it this? Someone completely misinterpreted the term male revenue. Common spelling error that spell check just can't catch.

On the bright side, maybe this will give Caskett some ideas to use in the boudoir or backseat of the nearest cop car they can find. Me, Castle. You, Kate.

2. Esposito Thought He Could Top Lanie, Not Like That

We’re gonna go out on a limb and say that Esposito wasn’t a part of his high school debate team. Lanie, on the other hand, has been prepping for this ever since she sprouted her two besties, presumably in the 7th grade. $250 for a bra? There are some things that don't need justification. It’s like supporting your best friends. Espo, you’d give Ryan $250 if he asked for it, right? If it made him feel all perky and a better wingman for you? We thought so. Debate over.

1. Where Are All the "Castle and Beckett Are Together, Together" Moments?

Don't get us wrong. We love Espo, but lately we're starting to think he's vying for a spin-off (stay put, bro. Just ask Addison.) We know Castle and Beckett love each other, yet their love seems trapped underneath a mound of platonic-relationship rubble. Last week, we forwent the jokes about their slumber party, where they could have just as easily spent the night braiding each other’s hair than getting it on post-movie date. Throw us a bone already. We're begging you. Don't believe us?

Dearest K-Becks,

Remember that time when you almost died, dangling off a roof, pondered your life in the rain, and then ran into Castle's beefy arms for some grade-A, primal, toe-curling sex? Yeah, us too, and we want more of it. Or at least some of that handporn you displayed so well in the precinct, but have since forgotten about. You two barely make eye-contact, but you sure will eye loincloth wearer #1's abs. Snap out of it. You aren't friends with benefits.

Sincerely,
Everyone