Credit: Adam Taylor/ABC

Just call in sick, man — for at least a week. That’s probably the best Keyshawn Johnson can hope for after his worst nightmare came true — he went home first on Dancing With the Stars Season 17. At least he got to make history as the first victim of the fall 2013 season's awkward but time-saving dance-and-dump format.

Week 2 was Latin Night, and Keyshawn talked about not wanting to leave at the end of the show 'cause his colleagues at ESPN would give him crap for a year. Oh well. Keyshawn and our beloved Sharna Burgess were second from the bottom on the judges's leaderboard, which is often a tough place to be, especially when the bottom couple is 1) very popular and 2) potentially underscored. Bill Nye the Science Guy was obviously the underdog in need of saving last week, and even he knew he would indeed be saved.

Since they did that “not necessarily the bottom two” thing, it’s not clear if Bill Engvall was really in the bottom two or just a placeholder. He was right there toward the bottom of the judges’ leaderboard, so it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to see him in jeopardy next week too. Plus, comedians aren’t known for going the distance. But now that he’s been in the "bottom," people may rush to save him; sometimes being under that red light can actually do couples a favor.

What did you think of Week 2? Did it go the way you expected? Did the judges score fairly? Was the elimination a little rushed and awkward to you too?

LEADERBOARD

Here’s a quick rundown of where the couples stood after Week 2, starting with the scores from last weeks’ premiere.

Amber & Derek: 27 + 24 = 51

Corbin & Karina: 24 + 26 = 50

Elizabeth & Val: 24 + 25 = 49

Jack & Cheryl: 23 + 24 = 47

Christina & Mark: 22 + 25 = 47

Brant & Peta: 22 + 23 = 45

Leah & Tony: 21 + 24 = 45

Snooki & Sasha: 23 + 20 = 43

Valerie & Tristan: 21 + 19 = 40

Bill E. & Emma: 18 + 21 = 39

Keyshawn & Sharna: 17 + 18 = 35

Bill N & Tyne: 14 + 17 = 31

Read on for a full recap of the Week 2 action:

Credit: Adam Taylor/ABC

1. Elizabeth Berkley and Valentin Chmerkovskiy — Samba — She wants to let go and enjoy the freedom of the Samba. #ThrustIt! It’s hard to go first sometimes, but Elizabeth looks sexy and confident out there. There’s that previous dance experience! She’s good, but does she have a connection with Val? He had sexual chemistry with Kelly Monaco and that cute bro/sister thing with Zendaya. So far he and Elizabeth dance amazingly well together, but … not seeing the chemistry.

JUDGES: Len Goodman told Elizabeth it was so close; it was fantastic. It just had a tiny little thing wrong with it. Bruno Tonioli said he was coming down with scarlet fever. It was amazing for Week 2, but she slightly messed up a couple of passes. Val said it was all his fault. Carrie Ann Inaba said Elizabeth is in her element. Every movement is oozy and sexy. Tom Bergeron made fun of Val for being the one to sweat so much.

SCORES: 8, 9, 8 = 25 out of 30. Look at Len being so nice this season! Total 49 out of 60.

Vote for Elizabeth & Val: 1-800-868-3405

2. Christina Milian and Mark Ballas — Paso Doble — They want to take things to the next level and improve from last week’s 7s. Love the chairs/thrones in their routine! These two are great too! Love the choreography on that one. Fast and fun, but with little unique Mark-ish elements. Interesting costumes...

JUDGES: Bruno loves a Paso with a twist and some quirks. It was always a Paso, though. He was blinded by the light and thinks she may have missed something. Christina calls him right out. Bruno can’t stop talking to the celebs next to him, though. Carrie Ann says the routine was “insane.” She nailed every step. The stylization was amazing. “Killed it.” Len said it was lovely. It had a modern twist but recognizable as a Paso. It was “terrific.”

SCORES: 9, 8, 8 = 25 out of 30.

Vote for Christina & Mark: Vote for 1-800-868-3401

Credit: Adam Taylor/ABC

3. Bill Engvall and Emma Slater — Jive — Bill felt deflated by last week’s scores. The comments were good but the scores were low. Now it’s time to make the judges “believers.” Aim to make them Beliebers, like Justin Bieber’s fans. Emma said she was going to “nick” all Derek’s stuff to sabotage his routine. Nice! Dancing With the Stars meets Survivor. Bill is older and less experienced than the first two but he absolutely goes for it. His feet keep moving and he gives great personality too. Very fun! Should there be more kicks and flicks, though?

JUDGES: Carrie Ann said it was the most entertaining routine so far. They upped the content factor. The footwork was a little “spunky” but “fantastic fun” overall. Len liked that there were a lot of basic steps in there. He joked that, from a distance, he thought Bill was Derek. Bruno said Bill hit the performance value big-time. Derek got another shout-out — he takes over everything, even when he’s not dancing himself!

SCORES: 7, 7, 7 = 21 out of 30. Total 39 out of 60.

Vote for Bill E. & Emma: 1-800-868-3409

4. Jack Osbourne and Cheryl Burke —  Rumba — Jack said he got the worst genes in his family. He’s “fat,” he can’t sing, he can’t act, he got MS. But Cheryl said he can dance. Jack is still very self-deprecating. They have the sensual Rumba, and he said he felt like they were making a porno. Enter his mom, just to make things even more awkward! Can’t Sharon give him some space? The smoke machine is back. Very nice lighting and they have “Mad World” for their song. Production is helping, but Jack isn’t quite an A+ leading man when it comes to romantic chemistry. He’s putting the work into it, but it looks like work.

JUDGES: Len thought it had great control and style, they created great lines. He does some weird things with his hands (yes) but overall it was good. Bruno couldn’t believe he was so sensuous and did a split. Carrie Ann said Jack transports her to another time, since she feels like he’s “otherworldly” and from like “Game of Thrones time.” (!) OK… It’s a compliment about his nobility.

SCORES: 8, 8, 8 = 24 out of 30. Total of 47 out of 60.

Vote for Jack & Cheryl: 1-800-868-3402

Credit: Adam Taylor/ABC

5. Keyshawn Johnson and Sharna Burgess — Samba — He’s hoping to stay on the show so his co-workers at ESPN don’t make fun of him for the next year. They have a fun dance, and he actually does some motor-boating down there (!), but he definitely needs to work on technique. Sharna does a wild cheer in the end.

JUDGES: Bruno said one thing is for sure, he went for it all the way. “Some of the things you did with her, I’m not sure they’re actually legal.” Keyshawn said he’s enjoying himself, to put it that way. He gives a nice speech supporting Sharna. Bruno told him to please count to keep himself on time. Carrie Ann said she saw the confidence go way up. He’s still a little rough around the edges and needs to finish some of the moves. Len said he admired Keyshawn’s effort. “You were working your asset!” The key to the show is to improve week by week and this was better than last week.

SCORES: 6, 6, 6 = 18 out of 30. Total 35 out of 60. The comments suggested higher scores than 6. Hmm...

Vote for Keyshawn & Sharna: 1-800-868-3408


6. Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Sasha Farber — Rumba — Their story is that Sasha made a mistake but he wants to win her back. She decided he cheated with multiple women. “Why multiple?” he asked. She knows it’s going to be awkward, since her fiance is watching (and his girlfriend is fellow pro Emma) and they are doing sexual movements. “I’m gonna get pregnant with these moves.” She spat in his mouth, so she proooobably doesn’t have to worry about him “crossing the line” in the dance. She has a sensuous appeal about her and some good flexibility (and she looks beautiful in her costume), but she needs to sell the story a bit better. It felt almost formal.

JUDGES: Carrie Ann said she made some pretty pictures but there wasn’t a lot of fluidity and she didn’t feel it from her. She wanted more emotion. And she saw some lifts. She’s the Lift Police, you know. More “little” jokes about both of them. Stop it! Len said it was a “pretty” dance and neat and clear. It became a bit sharp and placed and it should’ve flowed more. Bruno said Snooki needs to know how to act and sustain the character all the way through the dance. Len is right, the Rumba is a dance of continuous motion and they didn’t keep the flow going.

SCORES: 6, 7, 7 = 20 out of 30. The lift cost them a point. Total 43 out of 60. Snooki looks so upset.

Vote for “Snicole” & Sasha: 1-800-868-3412

7. Leah Remini and Tony Dovolani — Samba — Leah is really hard on herself. Tony didn’t realize how much her split with the Church of Scientology would affect her. “The church is looking for me to fail so that they can say to their parishioners, ‘See what happens when you leave the church?’” She wants this experience to get her out of her own head, out her beating herself up, and out of her bad habits. She has her own intro in the spotlight at the start of the routine. She needs to be sharper with her arms, they looked a little limp at times, but she’s definitely not failing! No bad.

JUDGES: Len said it was terrific. Lovely hands, with beautifully turned arms, full of content. “It was great. Love it!” (Apparently he doesn’t agree about the arms) Bruno asked who is this saucy Latin beauty. Is it TonY? So much flair and fire. “Tonight you were resplendent.” Carrie Ann said she unleashed her Samba goddess. Carrie Ann flipped her own hair around. Channeling Bruno!

SCORES: 8, 8, 8 = 24 out of 30. Total of 45 out of 60. So if she didn’t go wrong and they had no criticism, why only 8s? How can she improve?

Vote for Leah & Tony: 1-800-868-3411

8. Bill Nye the Science Guy and Tyne Stecklein — Paso Doble — Bill is like the social media king. He was trending on Twitter and his dance video got like 3 million views. Bill renamed Len Goodman Len Badman. “Hey Bill, it’s international television — you suck!” Tyne said they are taking all the negative comments and using them to drive them on Week 2. She wants Bill Nye the Ferocious Guy in the house. MENSA members in the house to support him? Love his wig to play Beethoven. Angry Beethoven does the Paso! How can you not love it? He’s intense out there and definitely gives it his all. The audience just adores him. More chants of “Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!” He’s still a rock star, even if it’s now a classic rock star. Oh, he tripped in the end. It’s hard to tell sometimes.

JUDGES: Bruno said he stepped up a gear and there was some real Paso there. Carrie Ann loved that he worked with what he got. He made fun of himself while he danced. “It was like a weird sort of bizarre masterpiece of insanity.” But he has to work on his feet. Len said judging is not an exact science, and when he looked back he feels like he may have underscored Bill. Len said some basic dance technique was missing but he appreciated the fun and the commitment. He’s glad Bill is on the show. He’s certainly popular!

SCORES: 6, 5, 6 = 17 out of 30. Total of 31 out of 60.

Vote for Bill N. & Tyne: 1-800-868-3404

Credit: Adam Taylor/ABC

9. Corbin Bleu and Karina Smirnoff — Jive — News! Julianne Hough will be guest judging soon! OK, back to Corbin & Karina. They have a One Direction song that reminds Corbin of his High School Musical days, so they have a high school-themed routine. He’s the jock, and ht dances on the judges’ table. She’s the sexy schoolgirl (kinda like Lacey back on Season 11 with Kyle, remember?). Super-fun and sexy routine. These two have a great connection. Mark had such a stone-face when they cut to him clapping. Not a fan?

JUDGES: Carrie Ann said it was so much fun and she wanted them to do it again. She loved his athleticism and he turned every move out. She loves his raw edge, too. Len said Corbin can dance. It wasn’t quite a home run but he got to third base. It needed more sharpness on his footwork but great energy. Bruno said this was “a performance of dazzling brilliance.” He hit the beat perfectly. He shouts out some HSM stuff for the fans.

SCORES: 9, 8, 9 = 26 out of 30. Total of 50 out of 60.

Vote for Corbin & Karina: 1-800-868-3406

10. Valerie Harper and Tristan MacManus — Paso Doble — Valerie did a twist and fell over. She’s been having knee issues, but Tristan said it’s inspiring to see her work through her issues. “You’re an amazing person, Valerie Harper, you know that?” Aww. He teared up watching her. So beautiful. In semi-related news, when Tristan says “Martian” he means “marching.” She’s such a powerhouse. Illness aside, she’s 74, not too much younger than Cloris Leachman was when she did the show and she’s a hundred times better.

JUDGES: Len said she started the dance on her own with total commitment. Plenty of Spanish shaping. But it felt like she was a bit nervous and not 100 percent comfortable. But it was brave of her. Bruno said he loved the way she captured the grandeur of a great lady of Spain. She worked on her shoulders but she lost timing a couple of times. But they had a lot of content and never took the easy way out. Carrie Ann said it’s hard to judge her without taking into consideration her courage, but that’s not what Valerie wants. Carrie Ann said the beginning was fantastic but she forgot about a third of the routine in the middle and she looked lost. But she attacked the moves.

SCORES: 6, 6, 7 = 19 out of 30. Total of 40 out of 60.

Vote for Valerie & Tristan: 1-800-868-3410

11. Brant Daugherty and Peta Murgatroyd — Rumba — Oooh the sexy couple has a Rumba. Niiiiice. They are going to “strategically undress each other” in the dance. Sounds good so far. They seem to have a good connection. No awkwardness. This could be their dance, they just move so well together and Peta has legs for days.

JUDGES: Bruno said he didn’t think a lady in the country didn’t feel restless and fidgety after the dance. Oh, Bruno. And he wanted the jacket off too for a shirtless dance. Rumba is very difficult but he did it well. He needs to caress the floor with his feet instead of dragging his feet. Carrie Ann said the chemistry is incredible but that’s not what’s great about him. He can move. When he hits it, he hits it. Most of the time the guys provide nice frame and the girls wow in a Rumba, but this time he was wowing. Len said they are a terrific looking couple, but his feet are pigeon-toed. Len liked it but couldn’t go into raptures.

SCORES: 8, 7, 8 = 23 out of 30. Total of 45 out of 60.

Vote for Brant & Peta: 1-800-868-3403

12. Amber Riley and Derek Hough — Jive — They never expected 9s last week, they were thinking more like 7s. She wasn’t thrilled to get Jive ‘cause she has boobs and she figured they would be tough in a bouncy dance. Derek pretended they knocked him out! She doesn’t want people to think she can dance for her size, she just wants people to think she can dance. They also do the motor-boating move! Is everyone stealing from Derek or did he steal that one? Big cheers from the crowd.

JUDGES: Carrie Ann said Amber set the bar last week and she continues to wow, but she was a little flat-footed. There were some technical issues. len said Amber is a big bundle of joy but she needs to work on her footwork. Bruno said talent and performance value flows out of her. Resistance is futile, but her footwork was a little flat. Still, she’s “irresistible.”

SCORES: 8, 8, 8 = 24 out of 30. Total of 51 out of 60.

Vote for Amber & Derek: 1-800-868-3407
 

WHO GOES HOME FIRST?

Here we go. The first elimination under this (relatively) new system. It’s going to be awkward and sad.

Who is safe? Corbin and Karina; Leah and Tony; Bill N. and Tyne; Christina and Mark; Amber and Derek; Valerie and Tristan; Snooki and Sasha; Jack and Cheryl; Brant and Peta.

Who is in jeopardy? Final three (truly bottom or not): Bill E and Emma; Keyshawn and Sharna; and Elizabeth and Val. The next couple declared safe was Elizabeth and Val.

Who goes home? Bill E. vs. Keyshawn. They were not necessarily the bottom two. The couple with the lowest combined total of judges's scores and viewer votes and therefore leaving is ... Keyshawn and Sharna. Wow.

He's going to take so much heat from ESPN!

What's been the best part of the show? Keyshawn said it was the experience. He never even bobbed his head in the car and he's had a great experience. He had the opportunity to learn from Sharna, who is an amazing choreographer and "her time will come." Let's hope so. We LOVE Sharna!

Are you surprised by the results? Who had the best performance of the night? Did you love Corbin's High School Musical shout-out?

VOTE! Don’t forget to also vote for your favorite couple at www.ABC.com or http://apps.facebook.com/votedwts.