Credit: Photo Courtesy of ABC Photo: Len Goodman's a True Star

He’s as cuddly as a cactus. He has garlic in his soul. He’s Len Goodman, the head judge on Dancing With the Stars, and we love him.

Len isn’t nicknamed Grumpy for nothing. He loves to snap at his fellow judges, the professional dancers, the audience and whoever else he can find. He was in rare form his week, so here are the best Len gripes from DWTS Season 13, Week 2.

Len vs. Bruno
Nothing warms the cockles of our hearts like Bruno Tonioli whipping his hands around and hitting Len in the head, sending a pained and aggrieved Len into Carrie Ann Inaba's comforting arms. It happened this week after the second dance of the night, Kristin Cavallari's Quickstep with Mark Ballas. Bruno was trying to ... well, who knows, but he hit Len and it really launched Len's poopy mood. After that, he started looking at his watch.

Len vs. Kristin & Mark
Len gave Kristin’s Marilyn Monroe dance the ultimate backhanded compliment: "You look fantastic, but I've got to tell you, it wasn't as good as you look." Nice. He also got angry that Mark had them break hold in the dance, which is a no-no for the Quickstep.

Len vs. David & Kym
One of Len's nastiest moments of the night came after the third dance, David Arquette and Kym Johnson's Jive. Len put on his best toddler pout and muttered “I’m almost speechless, if I’m honest. Ain't it time for Castle now?” That's harsh, man. "Any connection that had with a Jive was a coincidence.” Sounds like Grumpy needs a nap.

Len vs. Carson
It's a good thing Carson Kressley has a sense of humor, because Len's backhanded compliment bus drove right over him. No one liked the wobbly Quickstep hold Carson had with Anna Trebunskaya. As Len put it, "If I held my knife and fork like you held Anna, I'd starve to death." To soften the blow, he added "The trouble is, the worst dancers on this show are the most fun to watch." Um, thanks?

Len vs. Derek
Even though Ricki Lake & Derek Hough got the top score of the night for their Jive, Len wasn't happy. (Shocker!) "I didn't like it," he said. "I would've liked a bit more Jive content," he told Derek. Derek added something about West Coast Swing moves, to which Len snapped, “We’re judging the Jive here, me old sausage.” Even Tom Bergeron started to get wary, saying, "He's throwing the sausage down, OK...."

Len vs. Chaz
Proving he really is the King of the Backhanded Compliment, Len told the injured Chaz Bono that he admired his grit and determination for getting through the routine. Claps! However, "the bottom line, it's a Quickstep and I've moved faster through the car wash." Slam!

Len vs. Carrie Ann and Everyone Who Wasn't Nancy & Tristan
It's funny, one of Len's angriest moments of the night came from complimenting Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus for dancing "a proper Quickstep." Of course, he couldn't help but throw in an insult, saying he knows what everyone else will say. He knows they'll wish the dance had more flash and razzmatazz, but he doesn't care about that stuff. He cares that they kept hold through the … uh ... boring dance. Carrie Ann dared to say that she does like a little more razzmatazz and Len immediately started yelling at her so she couldn't even finish her critique. It was the 10th dance of the night and by this time he really was just spoiling for a fight.

Len vs. Karina
Many fans called J.R. Martinez & Karina Smirnoff's show-ending Jive the best routine of the night but Carrie Ann and Len called Karina out for her choreography, which included a lift. Len dismissed the style of dance entirely. "What's on the label is not in the tin. I was looking for a Jive and you gave me a Lindy Hop here." The audience booed him and he got annoyed with the audience, but by that point it was Len vs. The World.