Did Hines Ward & Kym Johnson just win Dancing With the Stars a week early?
Even after losing the Winner Takes All Cha-Cha-Cha to Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas, they certainly don’t need “sympathy votes” for Kym’s neck injury — not after two perfect-scoring routines on the Season 12 Semifinals.
Every week a new couple seems to have a “moment.” This week Hines & Kym had a moment with their Argentine Tango, which moved proud Hines to tears. They now have the support. The scores. The chemistry. But all of the judges’ darlings end up labeled “overrated” at some point, so that may be the next challenge for these frontrunners.
Chelsea Kane is certainly putting up a good fight — even if her partner, Mark Ballas, is occasionally the one fighting with her. (Was that “dead weight” comment really necessary, man?) They got their own perfect score with a “romantic and erotic” Rumba. And the Winner Takes All win gave Chelsea an extra 15 points, putting her a full 13 points above Hines on the leaderboard.
Speaking of fighting in rehearsals, Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy continued their Lucy & Ricky bickering act, but she kept up with the grueling schedule of three dances, so brava to her.
Also riding the night’s high emotions for very different reasons were Ralph Macchio & Karina Smirnoff. The best thing about their Salsa was the bleep judge Bruno Tonioli got for saying Ralph was too rough with his pussy — meaning his pussycat, the jungle-clad Karina.
Will Ralph’s Karate Kid comeback end before the Finale or will his fans help him overcome the lowest scores of the week?
Read on for a full recap of the Week 9 Semifinals:
Ralph Macchio & Karina Smirnoff — Argentine Tango to instrumental music — What is it with Argentine Tangos and chairs and lampposts? Are they part of the tradition of the dance? Just asking. Len Goodman said the dance lacked a bit of emotion. It didn’t smolder, but he did like the set up and he thought it was sharp and precise. Bruno Tonioli said once he got hold of Karina he was very stern and slightly detached. He still hasn’t seen the Latin lover yet. It was too flat in interpretation. Carrie Ann Inaba said she was glad that Ralph wasn’t dancing in pain anymore after last week’s ruptured cyst. She wants to see his whole body connected. Scores: 8, 9, 8 = 25 out of 30.
Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Viennese Waltz to "One and Only” by Adele — Kirstie makes sure we know she’s now eating five meals a day and getting all kinds of sleep. So don’t worry about her. Except maybe we should worry about her fights with Maks. Then again, he fights like this with most of his partners. Bruno said Kirstie set sail beautifully going for the American Cup. Or something. He said their underarm passes were lovely. Carrie Ann said she was impressed and the technique was great. She transformed the ballroom stage into something different again. Len said he thought she would cling on to Maks, but she had good posture and did well. Scores: 9, 9, 9 = 27 out of 30.
Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas — Argentine Tango to instrumental music — Mark says there’s no time for joking. He’s getting intense. And he calls her “dead weight” in rehearsals. That’s one way to get her good and “pissed!" All the lifts are coming out tonight. Finally! Carrie Ann said she’s going to be very picky because it’s the Semifinals. She found this dance to not be up to par. Her leg motions weren’t sharp and she didn’t finish her moves. The crowd is not happy. Len said their legs lacked some authority, but it was clean and precise and the lifts were in character. Bruno shot right up and said he got it and she played it well. It was Sharon Stone out there, he said. Basic Instinct, but restrained. Fascinating. There’s nothing restrained about Bruno! Len got out of his chair and made to walk away. The crowd chanted “Bruno! Bruno!” Scores: 9, 9, 10 = 28 out of 30.
Hines Ward & Kym Johnson — Argentine Tango to "Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” by Doris Day — They have the same dances as Ralph, so they want to step it up. They are attempting lifts she’s never seen done. We see the footage of her accident. Yikes! Hines dropped her in a difficult move and landed his weight on her head. OUCH. Poor Kym. She was more worried about how much they had to do and their practice time. He was just worried about her. During their routine, Kym is completely committed and intense. Love Kym! She’s amazing. Hines cries with pride for her. Ooohhh! Len said he was there in the club watching the whole story unfold. He also calls Kym a floozy. In a good way. “That is a Tango!” Bruno started to take his jacket off and compared the routine to good sex — “You never want it to end.” Carrie Ann got choked up and complimented Hines’ partnering of Kym. Hines told Brooke Burke that Kym is “a warrior.” Did they just win the whole thing with that routine? Scores: 10, 10, 10. Len finally gave a 10 to something this season!
Ralph Macchio & Karina Smirnoff — Salsa to "I Know You Want Me" by Pitbull — For the second round, we watch some of the stars’ personal life stories play out in video packages. We see Ralph’s love story with his wife and his rise to fame with Karate Kid. Wow. The costumes are such eyesores it’s hard to see the dance. Len said it was all too wild. It had no rhythm. Bruno said Ralph was too rough with his pussy, meaning pussycat. It got bleeped, though. Carrie Ann said she liked the dance. Scores: 8, 7, 8 = 23 out of 30. Total: 48 points out of 60 for the night.
Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Paso Doble — Kirstie is proud to be a Kansas girl. She talks about her drug use in her early 20s. Her good friend, Kelly Preston, talks all about her in the behind-the-scenes package. Are they they new Oprah and Gayle? She’s wearing some kind of huge black bandana in the Paso Doble. Bruno said it had fire and power. She was going like a force of nature. Carrie Ann called her the “queen of the Paso Doble,” saying the dance was fantastic. Len said she had two tough dances and performed fabulously. Scores: 9, 9, 9 = 27 out of 30. Total: 54 out of 60.
Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas — Rumba to "Eyes On Fire" by Blue Foundation — Chelsea shares her “A Star Is Born” story about moving from Arizona to LA based on kind of a scam artist’s pitch. She found her way, thanks to the Jonas Brothers and other gigs. Carrie Ann said it had full range of motion and passion. Len said it had mood and was very expressive. She had lovely legs. “Tonight you have fulfilled your potential.” Bruno called it a hypnotizing sequence of stunning shapes. It was romantic and erotic, but perfectly pitched. “It was stunning.” Scores: 10, 10, 10 = 30. Total: 73 points for the night, including 15 for the Winner Takes All Cha-Cha-Cha.
Hines Ward & Kym Johnson —Salsa to "Hello" by The Cat Empire — Hines shares his life story of being born in South Korea and moving to the USA because his mom saw how rough the future would be for a son of mixed blood. His Steelers teammates gush about him, but also laugh about how he’s doing DWTS. His mom is cute. Len said Hines was steaming and he was beaming. It was a joyful experience. Success comes in cans, not can’ts and he can. Bruno said one sentence can describe him, “You’re just beautiful, man.” Aww! Carrie Ann said she gets such joy watching him dance. Scores: 10, 10, 10 = 30. Two perfect scores! Total: 60 for the night.
WINNER TAKES ALL CHA-CHA-CHA
This has never been done on DWTS before. Two pairs of couples will compete against each other, based on where they placed after the first two rounds of dancing. This is meant to help high-scoring dancers stay on to the Finals, instead of having talented dancers miss out so that Bristol Palin can get there. The winner takes 15 points.
First round: Hines & Kym vs. Ralph & Karina
They only dance for like 45 seconds. Ralph & Karina look cute in their hats. They put most of their work into this dance, it seems.
Len said Hines looked good doing it and he loved watching it. Len said Ralph has come out full committed for every dance tonight. Bruno said Hines was solid as a rock and raised the game. Carrie Ann said Ralph has had difficulty with the Cha-Cha in the past, but he did well. However, Hines’ hips were “in it to win it.”
All three judges voted for Hines & Kym to move on to the next round.
Second round: Chelsea & Mark vs. Kirstie & Maks
Chelsea sang along with her routine. It’s pretty obvious this is going to come down to Hines vs. Chelsea. It took Kirstie a few beats to even start dancing.
Bruno said Chelsea was clean, sharp and fun. Bruno said Kirstie had fun with Maks. Carrie Ann said it’s tough to judge because Chelsea was sharp but Kirstie was sensual. Len said Chelsea gave 45 seconds of clean Cha-Cha.
All three judges voted for Chelsea & Mark to move onto the final round.
Final heat: Chelsea & Mark vs. Hines & Kym
Maks kissed Tom on the cheek! When Maks isn’t pinching his butt, he’s kissing him. Tom is the luckiest man alive.
Now they have instant dances. There was some confusion over who won the coin toss. Nice one, Brooke! Chelsea & Mark won and they elected to dance second.
They have less than four minutes to study their music, “Just Dance” by Lady Gaga. They both dance to the same song.
Len said they are two couples of varying styles — “Daddy Cool” and “Little Miss Dynamite.” Bruno said it’s hard to judge. Carrie Ann said both celebs proved themselves dancers.
All three couples chose Chelsea & Mark. So they got the 15 bonus points!
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