If anyone should feel guilty about Dancing With the Stars Season 12 Guilty Pleasures Week, it’s Bruno Tonioli — the person least likely to even recognize the emotion. So let’s try to focus on pleasure in our 10 favorite quotes from the night:
10. Bruno Tonioli [to Chris Jericho]: "I know you went for a rock theme, but you turned into a lump of granite doing this Tango."
He’s just channeling his fellow wrestler, The Rock. Can’t you smell what he’s cookin’?
9. Len Goodman [to Bruno, referencing Chris & Cheryl Burke]: "I don't know if they're having an off night. I think with your comments you're having an off night."
Oh Len, you have no idea. He gets soooo much worse.
8. Tom Bergeron [to Kendra Wilkinson, about Len]: "On his birthday you almost gave him a heart attack!"
Which is the best present a 67-year-old fart like him could want!
7. Bruno [to Kirstie Alley]: "I tell you, your wiggly bum sent shock waves through the air waves."
Was this to Kirstie or Maks or both? Where’s the Bum Police when you need them?
6. Len [to Kendra]: "The more you gyrated, the more I palpitated."
He usually saves that line for Bruno.
5. Len [to Ralph Macchio]: "I’m not going to castigate you, I’m going to congratulate you. You pulled Karina up. You got her back on her feet straight away. … I’m proud of you, you should be proud of yourself."
Sniff! He’s not the Karate Kid anymore, he’s the Karate Man!
4. Carrie Ann Inaba [to Kendra]: "THAT was a guilty pleasure, my dear."
Now we know this theme’s true intention was to promote stripping.
3. Romeo [to Chelsie Hightower]: "I like your bangs, I'm in love with you."
It’s not exactly "Juliet is the sun," is it?
2. Louis van Amstel: "You're going to shake things up this week. This is your week."
Kendra: "That includes my boobs?"
Louis: "That includes your boobs, your booty, everything God gave you."
Kendra: "Well, my boobs aren't what God gave me."
Sure, he did; he gave you the money to buy them.
1. Bruno: "Ladies and gentleman, Dancing With the Stars presents The Revenge of the Stripper, Part I: The Attack of the Killer Boobs! Let’s do it now, let’s get it over with, Kendra. Come on!"
Last week he wanted sex from Ralph and he tried to buy Maks. This week he wants Kendra. Hines — RUN!