You think finding five "Oh, Snap!" moments every week is so easy? Well, you come here and watch us as we cry and feel overwhelmed coming up with a good list. That'll show you. But wait, now we're happy! Now we're picking a fight with Len! Now we're humping a hydrant! Now we're dancing on a tree! Confused? Don't blame us, blame this week's Dancing with the Stars Performance show.

5. People are strange … especially Chad
The honeymoon seems to be over for Cheryl & Chad. Or at least for Cheryl. "When I walk into the studio I never know what mood Chad’s going to be in," Cheryl said. (Bipolar?) Cheryl to Chad during their Tango rehearsals: "You’re sometimes quiet, then happy, then quiet, then sad, then mad. You’re like every personality in eight hours." Chad: "Every person that’s great at what they do is weird. ‘Cause if I was normal then I’d be like everybody else." To accentuate his point about weirdness, Chad had a kind of Ophelia moment talking to himself during rehearsals. Chad: "I’m gonna float like a butterfly, I’m gonna sting like a bee. I’m gonna dance my ass off like I’m at the top of a tree.” Tom, in the studio after the package aired: “I have no idea what that meant.” No one did.

4. On that note — remember, Nicole is an artist!
Derek said people have high expectations of Nicole — last week Carrie Ann called her the best dancer they've ever had on the show — but she’s still learning and figuring this out. Nicole, during rehearsals: "I would want anyone to say that this comes naturally to me and that I’m, like, a dancer to come into rehearsals with me. Because it’s, like, it’s not easy and I feel like everyone just thinks it's like 'Oh look it’s so easy, blah blah blah." To which Derek responds, "Should we do Paso?" (Mr. No Nonsense! Didn't work, though.)

Derek told the camera Nicole feels a lot of pressure. She comes across so strong and bold, but if you scratch away the surface she’s “incredibly insecure.” Nicole took a crying break outside. “It’s just frustrating," she said through sniffs. "I’m just really overwhelmed right now. I just want it to be good.” Well it wasn't good. It was great! Now stop confusing it with brain surgery.

3. Erin overcomes her fear of humping fire hydrants
Erin is 6 feet tall in heels and she was a "scaredy cat" about jumping off the stage into Maks arms for their Argentine Tango. When she was in his arms during rehearsals she checked the mirror and didn't like what she saw. Erin: "OK, can you just look at that? Does that look good?" Maks: "That looks amazing." Erin: "It does?" Maks: "How do you want it to look?" Erin: “Not like I’m humping a fire hydrant.” During their actual dance she trusted him for a big leap and Bruno told Maks "You’re a lucky fire hydrant!"

2.  Maks vs. Len Part 1,980
You'd think they'd be having a great night, what with Len giving Maks & Erin a 10 for their Argentine Tango. (Not even Carrie Ann & Bruno went that far.) But during the video package where the pros handicapped the remaining contestants' strengths and weaknesses, Maks said he wanted Niecy to focus on her technique to shut Len up. “Please?” he added. Then, at the end of their 1980s Rumba, which Len called "jerky" and gave an 8, Maks made some incomprehensible comment in the Celebriquarium. Maks: “Len, if you want you can borrow (shakes Erin’s wrist with bracelets), it feels a lot better than what you gave us.” Even Erin turned to Maks with "What?" Then we cut to the judges' table, where Len was standing up making motions like he was going to go over there and whup some Russian arse. Tom had to play mediator. Tom: “Len, Len, sit down! Len, he’s not pickin' a fight. Everybody be nice. Let’s just get along!”

1. Derek pulls off the ImPasoble!
Nicole may be a great dancer, but she's a drama diva. The best part of Nicole & Derek is Derek and his creative choreography. For once, the great one seemed stumped. He couldn't figure out how to marry the snappy 1950s with the fierce, strong Paso Doble. Derek: “'50s and Paso it's, like, ImPasoble!” (Pause for a laugh at his own pun.) But with some creative wardrobe choices — he's the greaser and she's the Latina Bettie Page — they got the 1950s part down pat and focused on just killing it with a classic Paso. As Bruno said, "The beauty and the rebel in a feisty, vibrant, passionate performance. ... The flavor of Spain has never tasted so good." Carrie Ann had a fit of giggles that included some wild gesturing and ended with a simple "Brilliant!" Even Len couldn't find anything to complain about, although you could tell he really wanted to. Len: “Nicole, I was very nice about your Foxtrot. And it’s not in my nature to be nice about two dances in one night. So I am really disappointed because there was nothing I could see to criticize.” Len stood up to cheer and Derek hugged him. If Nicole & Derek don't win the mirror ball, they should create a separate trophy for best choreography and keep it on ice for Dr. Paso here.