Hey, dear readers: We thought you oughta know that Dave Coulier is engaged. Uncle Joey himself is shouting news of his engagement to longtime girlfriend Melissa Bring from the rooftops. And by "shouting from the rooftops," we mean "an exclusive confirmation to Us Weekly."
The 54-year-old Full House star, who just last week denied that his ex Alanis Morissette's famous, enraged lyrics to her 1995 song "You Oughta Know" are about him, says he and Melissa will be exchanging rings in Montana next month. It's fortunate news for his bride-to-be; Dave told Us in his announcement that he has "a really bad gas problem," so we imagine it'd just be even more awkward to pair that with feeling Alanis's nails every time she runs them down someone else's back. (Can you feel it?)
The alleged Mr. Duplicity, for the record, calls his involvement in the breakup anthem an "urban legend," telling BuzzFeed, "The guy in the song is a real a-hole, so I don't want to be that guy."
Then again, maybe "would she go down on you in a theater" is a relevant question to ask right now, since Dave supposedly told a different story about the karaoke standard back in 1997. "The lines are very close to home," his employers at Boston's Comedy Connection said about the song, "Especially the one about 'an older version of me' and bugging him in 'the middle of dinner.'"
Regardless of whether or not the Muppet Babies voice actor told Alanis he'd hold her until she died, he's still alive and, as he tells Us, marrying his "best friend." "I feel like the luckiest man on the planet," he told the magazine. We guess the love that he gave that they made was actually able to make it enough for him to be open wide, or whatever, this time.
We do have one question for Dave, who has one child from his previous marriage to model Jayne Modean: Now that you're getting married, would she have your baby? We do think she'd make an excellent mother.
Sources: BuzzFeed, Us Weekly
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