Credit: Celebrity Sex Tape: In The Making

The time has come to boldly go where many men have gone before: the scintillating pages of Farrah Abraham's debut erotic novel, Celebrity Sex Tape: In The Making. Which, to be clear, is not about her, but is instead about some random reality star named Fallon Opal who films a "celebrity sex tape" after being slammed with a $100K IRS bill for unpaid taxes.

Again, this totally isn't about Farrah — and speaking of our saintly muse, this former Teen Mom star (and current Backdoor Teen Mom star) stopped by Gawker Media HQ for a recent interview, and they were nice enough to share an excerpt of her book with fans. Let's set the scene, shall we?

Fallon is innocently trolling around a nightclub when she meets a hunk on the dance floor, promptly hooks up with him, and then takes things back to her place only to get attacked by a possibly rabid bat. Here is a highlight from the scene in question:

"I peered over the edge at the wiggling, black thing. It launched itself up, into the air, taking flight. It hit the wall about us and bounced off, cartwheeling through the air, landing on the foot of the bed and rolling off. 'Oh my God, that's a bat.' I yanked the covers up over my head."

We know right? Pretty sexy stuff. But it gets even better.

"It was ridiculous to think that I was crouching on my bed, my bare ass stuck up in the air, naked as the day I was born, trying to catch a winged rodent. Yes, this was my crazy life."

You guys, Fallon is such a strong independent woman. And you better believe that after this encounter with a deranged bat, she wasn't about to have sex with her club love.

"Was he serious? I'd just taken care of the bat—naked—and without his help. The last thing I wanted was or him to stick his penis in my vagina. I stared at him and he slowly stopped talking."

Look, we don't want to be dramatic, but this erotic bat scene is literally the best thing we've ever read in our lives. All other books have been rendered completely irrelevant, and we'll never look at bats the same way again.

Source: Jezebel