10. Brittany [to Santana, about math monkeys]: "Wait, do those actually exist?"
It sounds like Brittany just found a friend for Lord Tubbington.
9. Jake [about choosing between Rachel and Mercedes]: "I’m torn. One is black and one is Jewish."
We think Jake may have missed the point of this exercise.
8. April Rhodes [to Unique]: "But don’t worry, this Spumante is virgin, probably like you will be for a long time."
April doles out the tough love.
7. Santana [about Schue]: "You all cheer now, but just wait till he starts rapping."
Good point, Santana.
6. Brittany [to Santana]: "I just wish that I could have my old life back, where I wasn’t a mathematical genius, and all I wanted to do was to scissor you and to talk to my cat."
Brittany has life all figured out.
5. April [to Biff]: "What did you think, Mr. Preppy McDimpleButt?"
We're going to start referring to Chace Crawford by this name from now.
4. Santana: "This is crazy because I could really give two poops about this place."
That's about as sentimental as Santana gets.
3. April: "It’ll help dull the excruciating pain of your wedding night sodomy and the inevitable divorce that you’re careening towards a couple months later."
April is always the optimist.
2. Tina [about April]: "She once taught me how to shoplift meat in my vagina."
See, finally kids are learning some practical information in school.
1. Santana [about Rachel]: "Someone in that apartment shaves their face and leaves their stubble in the sink, and we all know it ain’t Kurt."
Beauty comes at a price, Santana.