It's Michael Jackson galore! It was also a night of acceptances, underboob, and one very evil Warbler on tonight’s Glee episode. In the episode, we learned that rock salt is good when used on cold driveways, but not as good in cold beverages. We also learned that the mail carrier in Rachel’s neighborhood should probably be fired.
The episode, “Michael,” starts off with a bang as Blaine does a sensational rendition of “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’.” In fact, Blaine is apparently so excited about New Directions performing Michael Jackson hits at Regionals that he blabs the news to his
stalker friend Sebastian. Guess which school’s choir will now also be singing Michael?
To get the kids back in the spirit, Schue writes “WWMJD” on the board. (We’re just glad that didn’t stand for “What Would Michael Jordan Do,” because we’re pretty sure that the New Directions members would then have had to play basketball against cartoon characters bent on interstellar domination.) This leads to a sing-off in the parking structure — come to think of it, how did not a single car alarm go off? — followed by Blaine taking an diabolical slushie to the eyes and ending up in a hospital.
In a shocking turn of events, Blaine has a scratched cornea from the mysterious ingredient in the Slushie of Death, and he’ll need surgery soon. The kids are furious and want to retaliate, especially Artie, who then gets out of his wheelchair to recreate the video for “Scream.” Apparently, when Artie is angry, he imagines himself dancing (not to mention wearing a sweater with little triangles on the sleeves).
Rachel has taken three days to the minute to decide how to respond to Finn’s proposal, and if we’re judging by the times in high school when we took every last second to finish a test, we’ll go ahead and assume that Rachel was not exactly prepared. Sensing that she could use a cold splash of reality, she turns to the one person who can deliver reality in spades: our old friend Quinn.
In fact, we’ve been hoping for more Faberry bonding ever since their apparent detente in “Hold On to Sixteen,” and so tonight's episode finally delivered, although their moment this week was not as carefree as we might have hoped. Quinn tells Rachel that she got into Yale (say what?), which reminded her that you need to put your past behind. This is some pretty serious chit-chat to be delivered while touching up your makeup in a high school bathroom mirror.
Santana and Sebastian have a face-off in the form of a mind-blowingly awesome performance of “Smooth Criminal,” and this cello-heavy rendition was by far the best cover of the song that we’ve ever heard. (No offense to Alien Ant Farm, a band that now presumably lives in the mysterious land known as “One-Hit Wonderville.”)
And thank goodness for Santana’s “underboob” tape recorder (which is only slightly less gross than where Christopher Walken stored that pocket watch in Pulp Fiction, if you ask us). Because of the tape, New Directions learned that rock salt was added to the slushie. Of course, we're still not really sure why Sebastian randomly decided to 'fess up, but who are we to complain.
We’re also not sure if we entirely believed that a dad would pull his son out of school to open a college admissions letter, since there’s always a decent chance that the letter says “nice, try — have fun at junior college." Then again, if Burt Hummel does something, then we’re sure there’s a good reason for it. Luckily, everything worked out for Kurt — including that unbelievably touching moment of celebration between these two — and it’s the knowledge that Kurt is a finalist for NYADA that leads Rachel (who is letter-free) to finally accept Finn’s proposal.
Okay, so before the start of the episode, we had been convinced that if Rachel said yes to Finn, we’d be so overjoyed that we would be jumping around and would not be able to think, and then we’d rapturously start tearing off our clothing like that women’s soccer player did after winning the World Cup in 2000. But sadly, that wasn't how we felt, as Rachel’s “yes” felt more like the kind of begrudging "yes" that you say to the cashier at a grocery store who asks you if you’ll forgo plastic bags to save the environment, and you then have to carry all your groceries home in your arms. (Or maybe that’s us.)
Anyway, we had to choose a non-Finchel scene for our "Favorite Scene of the Night," so we’re going with Sam and Mercedes’ rather shocking kiss after their moving duet. We also loved how Sam presented Mercedes with a sign of her name in lights (even if we wouldn’t be surprised if he swiped that sign from a car dealership).
And our second favorite moment of the episode was seeing Quinn’s growth, between her acceptance into Yale and that oh-so-adorable pic of Beth with the “Hi, Mommy” dialogue bubble in her locker. After the infamous red-hair phase, we never thought we'd actually smile when thinking about Quinn and Beth.
As for our complaints about the episode? Our biggest one is a concern that we've had for weeks now: Where the heck is Brittany? We loved her line about not knowing how lock the door, but that was pretty much it from her, and that is completely unacceptable.
Also, we thought we were liking Sebastian up until this week, when he became a total psychopath. (Fine — a dreamy psycopath, but a psychopath nonetheless.) Sure, we can understand why New Directions took the high road at the end by not showing that “underboob” tape to the police, but we’re sometimes of the inclination that taking the high road is overrated.
Plus, we couldn’t wait for Finn and Rachel to have a few adorable moments together as fiance and fiancee, but now it’s pretty clear that Rachel is immediately regretting her decision, now that she’s a NYADA finalist. C’mon, Glee — we want to live vicariously through Finchel’s impulsive, passion-driven choices as much as possible! And what was up with Rachel’s letter taking so long to get to her house? Who’s her mail carrier — Newman from Seinfeld?
And so we're now left to wait breathlessly as we hope that the surgery goes okay and Blaine won't have to stick with the pirate look for too much longer. We're also stressed about what's gonna happen with Finchel. Long story short, this episode was full of stress, so we might have to unwind with a DVD in the meantime. Anyone up for Space Jam?