Say what?! It was Regionals time once again on tonight’s Glee, but it was also apparently "Everyone Gets Badly Hurt" Day, with the show giving us not one but two medical emergencies. (What is this — Glee’s Anatomy?) Indeed, there’s only one thing to do after watching such a somber episode: Grab a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. The rest is up to you.
Sebastian begins the episode, entitled “On My Way,” on a bizarre and troubling note, blackmailing Rachel with those not-too-sexy doctored photos that feature Finn and, uh, "Finn Jr." Then, Sugar makes a joke about how, if she were in a similar situation, she would kill herself. We didn’t think anything of her joke at the time, but it was clearly meant as foreshadowing.
As for himself, Finn is livid that Rachel would sooner perform at Regionals than drop out and keep Sebsatian from posting the photos. Uh, if Finn’s about to get married, why does he really care what other people think of his manhood? He does realize that means he's off the market, yeah?
And it looks like the show is in fact serious about moving forward with the whole “Sue is preggers” storyline, as Sue informs Quinn that she is indeed with child. But who is Sue’s baby daddy? (Please be Bryan Ryan, please be Bryan Ryan...)
And then Quinn asks to get back on the Cheerios, and Sue shoots her down because Quinn quit once before. That’s sort of like saying that you're not going to accept your friend’s offer to eat the last few French fries on their because they didn’t offer you any of their fries at the beginning of the meal. A little advice for Sue: If someone offers you fries, you don’t ask questions; you take the freakin’ fries.
And then we cross the border into Serious Town (Population: Us), and we don’t look back. Karofsky has been outed by his former friend Nick — who saw him at Breadstix last week with Kurt — and so Facebook is now abuzz with gossip and hateful messages. (Thanks a lot, Mark Zuckerberg.) There’s even graffiti on Karofsky’s locker, and let’s just say that this isn’t graffiti art of the whimsical, Banksy-esque variety.
The next scene is among Glee’s most shocking of all-time, as Karofsky puts on a suit, cries, and then attempts to take his own life. It was a scene that was very powerful and rang true, but that doesn’t mean it was easy to watch. And it also led to another moving scene, in which Schue admitted to contemplating suicide after getting caught cheating on a test. May this be a lesson to all you kids: When it comes to cheating,
don’t get caught don’t do it.
But fret not — there was plenty of inspirational singing, too, per the theme of Regionals this year. We thought that New Directions unquestionably deserved their win (what — us, biased?), especially with their mash-up of “I Believe I Can Fly” (from the
Oscar-winning film Space Jam) and “Fly.” But is it just us, or are the Warblers not quite the same without Blaine? We love Sebastian’s sunny new attitude (although we shall see how long that lasts), but let’s just say that - when it comes to owning the stage - he’s no Blaine. Then again, who is?
And then of course there was that shocker at the end, with about-to-be-wed Rachel sending a gajillion texts to Quinn, who was driving to the wedding and gets sideswiped while replying to them. Anyone else think that an injury related to this accident will keep Quinn from rejoining the Cheerios? If so, it would be a huge disappointment, as Quinn needs something to be passionate about instead of just judging other people's choices, and we thought the Cheerios would provide that passion. We shall see.
One thing that does seem certain is that we probably won’t be getting that Finchel wedding that we were so freakin’ excited for. Still, even if they do end up postponing the wedding — which their parents are clearly hoping for — we would find solace in the fact that we’re loving Jeff Goldblum as Rachel’s dad, Hiram. Seriously, this dude even makes lines about fake seizures sound funny.
But our Favorite Scene of the Week goes to Kurt visiting Karofsky in the hospital. Their exchange hit all the right notes, with Karofsky understanding that he made Kurt’s life hell, and then the two of them imaging Karofsky’s future together. Since it appears that Klaine is still going strong, we're thinking that Kurtofsky won't happen anytime soon, but we do love the idea of Kurt and Dave as besties. We're realizing that Kurt and Dave are two very different entities that actually go well together, kind of like bacon and chocolate. (Okay, maybe that’s cheating — bacon is perfect with anything.)
And it now appears that Karofsky wants to be a sports agent, a la Jerry Maguire? Let’s just say that Tom Cruise would be proud. (However, Karofsky should probably hold off on jumping up and down on a yellow couch and professing his love for Kurt for the time being — we’re not sure that Kurt would be as easy-going about it as Katie Holmes apparently was.)
But a close runner-up for our Favorite Scene of the Week Award would be Sue’s upbeat exchanges with Schue and Quinn at the end of the episode. Truth be told, we had been thinking that Sue was going to be about as good as raising a child as Zach Galifianakis’ character in The Hangover was, but she instead may be as good a parent as Adam Sandler’s character in Big Daddy. (Okay, so all we know about parenting has apparently come from bromance comedies. Don’t judge!)
So all in all, this was an extremely heavy episode, as the episode has raised a harrowing possibility: What if there really is going to be a Sex and the City 3? No, wait — the harrowing possibility we meant was whether Quinn will make a full recovery. But at least we got some ah-may-zing performances this week, with the former Troubletones members even getting their own Regionals song, as promised! Oh, and can that crazy Dracula judge pretty-please become a recurring character? Thanks a bunch — that dude was hilarious.
Okay, so now we have approximately a four-year wait (we're pretty sure that amount of time is right) until Glee returns to answer all of our questions, which means we have some time on our hands. We suppose we could kill some of that time by trying to sneak into Barbra Streisand’s underground mall. (Who couldn’t go for an Ornage Julius right about now?)
Or we could start to prepare for this weekend’s Oscars by rewatching seven-time Oscar-winner Space Jam. (What’s that — Space Jam didn’t win any Oscars, and we’re instead thinking of the number of Oscars that were won by Schindler’s List? Nah, that can’t be right...)