Time to put on your welding helmet, rent some little people, and fill your slushie cup with confetti! Not only did we get two back-to-back Glee episodes tonight, but these might have been among the best two episodes of the show ever! Seriously — how many perfect moments were there tonight? Long story short: For the first time in forever, Lindsay Lohan was in something that wasn’t awful! Who knew it was possible?
The first episode, “Props,” begins with Tina feeling neglected — and rightfully so, since saying that this season of Glee has utilized Tina’s full potential is like saying Liam Neeson is utilizing his full acting potential by appearing in the movie Battleship. (And speaking of Battleship, please do not see that game-based movie, people! Otherwise, you’ll only have yourself to blame when the big blockbuster of summer 2014 is Duck Duck Goose: The Movie, with the tagline, “Don’t get caught — or you’re ‘it.’”)
Tina accidentally hits her head in a fountain at the mall — and while no method of death is particularly glamorous, it’s safe to say that “death from falling into a mall fountain” is not going to make anyone’s list of the “101 Most Bitchin’ Ways to Die.” Luckily, she doesn’t die but instead is transported to a hilarious alternate world where everyone has swapped bodies. You know, it’s kind of like that Ryan Reynolds comedy The Change-Up that no one saw.
So which was your favorite body-swap moment? There were too many amazing moments to absorb — like Quinn chewing gum as Sugar, or Mercedes bailing Lord Tubbington out of jail as Brittany — but our favorite moment was Finn putting his head on Puck’s shoulder, Klaine-style. This may be one of the best Pinn moments ever! (Yes, we’re shortening Puck-and-Finn as “Pinn,” since the other way is way too dirty, even for us.)
Let’s be honest — the body-swap thing was not only the best part of this episode, but maybe the best thing in the entire series, and maybe even the best thing that mankind has ever come up with (although Einstein’s Theory of Relativity is a close second). However, we loved Beiste this week, too, as she was the star of our “Two Favorite Scenes - Non-Body-Swap Division.” (Okay, so that category doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue, but just go with it.)
First, we loved Beiste hugging Puck after she ends his fight with Rick the Stick and then says that she’ll help him retake his geography test. (We’re hoping her method of studying doesn’t involve any song-and-dance numbers from My Fair Lady.) We’re not sure why Puck owned that blonde wig, but it paid off.
And then we totally lost it when Sue hugs Beiste after we learn that Beiste has finally decided to stand up to Cooter. Granted, if we were Beiste, we would have been like, “I’m leaving you for good, Cooter — as soon as I heat up a few slices of this Hawaiian pizza for the road. How long should I put them in the microwave for — 60 seconds? That should be enough time, right?” What can we say? Break-ups make us hungry, and microwave settings make us confused.
Finally, Tina has snapped out of her body-swap trance, but it has changed her for the better, as she realizes that she’ll have next year to shine (and she freakin’ better, Ryan Murphy!); plus, she also convinces Rachel to track down Carmen Tibideaux for a second third chance. (Can you say, “Time for Carmen to get a restraining order”?)
And then we were off to hour number two, also known as “Nationals.” The team has arrived in Chicago, and with Mercedes sick, the glee club is on the verge of collapse. In fact, everyone is arguing and unable to come together at the most crucial moment. (We’re like, “They don’t know about the importance of teamwork, so clearly they haven’t seen The Avengers yet.”)
Luckily, Mercedes makes it back in time for a fabulous Troubletones rendition of “The Edge of Glory,” followed by Rachel giving Celine a run for her money. And whaddya know? Carmen made it to the performance after all, and — in the Great Redemption of Jesse St. James — Jesse delivers a ringing endorsement to Carmen on Rachel’s behalf. It’s almost enough to make us ignore the fact that Jesse has tragically cut off all his beautiful, beautiful hair. (For shame!)
Vocal Adrenaline’s biggest star is now Unique, although Wade is crumbling under the pressure until Kurt and Mercedes (besties for life, y’all!) encourage him to give a knockout performance of “Starships” and “Pinball Wizard.” Apparently, Kurt and Mercedes make everything better (which is the same way that we feel about Cool Whip).
Of course, we wanted Rachel to win MVP, but Unique totally deserved it, too. Plus, all we really wanted was for New Directions to get the big prize — which they (drumroll, please) totally did! We had sorta been assuming that this would be the year that the gang finally wins it all, but this news still managed to completely and utterly delight us! And this time, their trophy was bigger than a trophy that you might get in a cereal box (which is how we’d describe last year’s trophy).
We had a few teensy quibbles this week, like how it’s feasible that Mr. Schue would win Teacher of the Year when we’re not even 100% sure that he’s actually still a teacher there. And the nicest thing we can say about Lindsay Lohan’s performance is that she’s a better actor than Perez Hilton is. Plus, she at least seemed willing to let Glee make fun of her, unlike the many, many times that she’s complained about Glee making fun of her in the past. (Not that she’s done anything to make fun of, right?)
But to be honest, we really can’t say enough amazing things about these two episodes. It feels like the climaxes of these episodes were so rewarding, as the episodes managed to provide plenty of payoffs for the last three years of viewership. (And by “climax,” we’re not talking about Will and Emma’s first time, so get your mind out of the gutter, you perv!)
And this is it: We’re only one week away from the season finale! And we're thinking that the season finale will probably be as great as this week’s extravaganza was, as long as we're lucky. (Get it — “luck”? Because Lindsay Lohan was in the film Just My Luck? Never mind — it’s probably better that you didn’t see that movie.)