Hang onto your robe! Tonight’s Glee (Season 4, Episode 12: “Naked”) had everything we could possibly want in an episode: Blaine in nothing but Santa pants, an installment of “Fondue for Two,” and Rachel talking to her best friend (herself). Now put down your Highlights magazine, consult your squirrel doctor, and say hello to your shoulders by name!
At the start of the episode, we learn that the Warblers have definitely been kicked out of the competition (thanks, Warbler Trent!). This news story also leads to one of McKinley’s news anchors having a hissy fit a la Ron Burgundy — although, sadly, no one was wearing Sex Panther.
Now, the glee club needs to raise funds to get to the “Paris of Indiana,” so Tina suggests that they make money off their most valuable export: Their grade-A beefcake. Unsurprisingly, everyone is onboard with the idea (especially us!). Well, everyone except for Artie, who — to borrow a phrase from Ron Burgundy — seems to be trapped in a glass case of emotion. Or something like that.
Over in New York, Rachel is considering appearing in a student film that requires her to show off her “golden globes,” if you get our drift. (Sorry — it’s awards season.) But the student film appears to be horrific, so Rachel going topless in order to be in it is sorta like those people who had to wait in line for weeks in the late ‘90s in order to see the film The Phantom Menace. (Translation: The end does not justify the means.)
Marley’s scenes are practically perfection this week. We love that her friendship with Brittany is developing, in part because we selfishly want any excuse to see everyone’s favorite slumlord, Lord Tubbington.
Plus, she and Jake continue to be cuter than ever, between that kiss after their duet, and then the fact that Marley comes this close to saying the “L” word. And no, the “L” word we’re thinking of is not “lamp.” (That was the last Ron Burgundy reference — we promise.)
Speaking of Brittany, she has managed to earn a Stephen Hawking-level score on her SATs, whereas Sam’s score is a bit closer to, say, what Stephen Baldwin might have scored on the test.
Sam’s way of coping is to pump iron like crazy — and come to think of it, the number of pounds he was lifting is probably bigger than his test score. However, Blaine convinces him of how special he is, thanks to some help from some New Directions members past and present. Sam then agrees to pose with his clothes on in the calendar, along with Artie.
And finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Quinn cashes in that train ticket to visit NYC! Frankly, the idea of Quinn and Santana acting as the angel on Rachel’s shoulder was hilarious and awesome, and the three of them performing “Love Song” was magical. Team Quinnrachna for the win! (Okay, so “Quinnrachna” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. We’re working on it.)
So what did we think of the episode? Frankly, we thought it was kinda brilliant. So many movies and TV shows have centered on a group of women raising money with a sexy car wash or the like, so the idea of making the guys the objectified ones was clever. Or maybe that’s just what we want to say in order to justify ogling all those pics of Uncle Sam and Sexy Claus, baby socks or no baby socks.
And don’t get us started on how much we adored the couples and friend groups that we saw this week. Jake and Marley’s “I love you” autograph scene had us bawling for a week, while Rachel-Santana-Quinn and Blaine-Sam are some of the cutest friends this show has ever had (no offense to the Unholy Trinity, of course).
One more thing we’ll point out about is that the couples we’re not crazy about — namely, Brochel and Bram — seem more fragile than ever this week. Brody’s kinda weird, while Brittany wasn’t nearly as comforting to Sam during his time of need as she would have been to Santana in a similar situation. Long story short: We’re feeling good about Finchel and Brittana’s chances!
For our “Favorite Scene of the Night,” it’s practically a no-brainer: How can we not vote for Blaine’s video to raise Sam’s spirits, which involved a new rendition of Santana’s “Trouty Mouth” song? And yes, we’re as surprised as you are that our favorite scene did not involve the guys working out. Who knew we weren’t completely shallow?
To sum up: We’re loving the new characters more than ever, and we’re also loving the glimpses of our old favorites (three words: Santana! In! NYC!).
In the meantime, we can use a drink. Anyone care for scotchy, scotch, scotch? (Okay, so that was the last Ron Burgundy reference. We apologize.)