Minds! Exploding! What are you doing, Finn? Oxygen — we need oxygen! Okay, we’re good. This week’s diva-licious Glee episode gave us one shocker after another, between Kurt beating Rachel, Finn kissing you-know-who, and Santana moving in with Hummelberry! On a side note, can someone find us a paper bag to breathe into? Thanks a bunch.
But the most shocking moment of the night? The moment when Tina rubbed Blaine’s chest with VapoRub, and we realized this show is somehow capable of reading our thoughts, since that’s what we dream of doing to Blaine on a nightly basis. Get out of our heads, Glee! (Or don’t, if it means more scenes involving Blaine’s chest.)
Santana Is Not a Bram Fan
The episode, “Diva,” begins with Kurt noticing that Rachel is a bit more of a diva now than lately, although that’s kinda like a scientist saying that Antartica is a bit colder today than it was yesterday. (In other words, Antarctica is always pretty cold.) So he challenges her to a diva-off rematch at NYADA’s Midnight Madness. Here come the claws.
Back at McKinley, Emma encourages Finn to toughen his New Directions up a bit with a diva-off of their own. And who better to set the bar for a diva-off than Ms. Bitch-Slap herself, Santana Lopez? No one, that’s who.
Santana — who is in her stunning Louisville cheer outfit — then introduces the gang to her new girlfriend, Elaine, which causes us to spontaneously throw many, many things at our TV. Sometimes your arm just starts throwing things, and you're powerless to stop it.
We feel Tina has been plenty assertive lately, but somehow she manages to bring it up even another notch as she invites a super-sick-but-still-so-adorable Blaine to her place. He gets drowsy just as she confesses her love, so she does what anyone would do next to a fast-asleep Blaine: She unbuttons his shirt. Thank you, Tina. Just... thank you.
Who's on Team Finnma?
It’s time for Midnight Madness, and Kurt lucks out that the chosen song is “Bring Him Home” from Les Mis, which Kurt is borderline obsessed with. Rachel and Kurt’s versions are both jaw-droppingly astounding, but Kurt ends up taking the crown. We’re just glad we didn’t have to choose between those two, as such a decision would be Sophie’s Choice-esque.
Tina finally steps out of her shell with a powerful rendition of “Hung Up,” and we couldn’t be happier! Finally, Tina is getting some decent screen time, not to mention a solo that doesn’t involve her somehow embarrassing herself in the end. Tina rightfully wins the diva-off — get it, girl! — and she lands Blaine as a date to Schue’s wedding next week. That’s what we call a win-win.
Speaking of Schue’s wedding, Emma is in panic mode — which is kind of her regular setting, no? — about preparing for the big day on her own. When she thinks Schue disapproves of her flower choice (heaven forbid), she goes into full-on bridezilla mode — until Finn (GASP) kisses her. That’s how normal people help their co-workers relax, right?
Santana Takes Manhattan
Finally, Santana — who has left Louisville and was never dating Elaine — makes it clear she wants Brittany back. The whole thing just makes us even more pissed off that she had to go and dump her all wily-nily earlier this season. Brittany then rips our hearts in two when she denies Santana’s love. Santana does the only thing she can — runs off to live in NYC with Rachel and Kurt.
So Santana, Kurt, and Rachel are all going to be under the same roof for 24 hours a day? Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen — and we can’t wait!
What did we think of the episode? Well, if you think we’re going to complain about an episode with an emotional Brittana scene (and quick kiss!), Kurt and Tina getting their time in the spotlight, and a shocker of an ending with the Finnma kiss, you’re wrong.
True, we’re not happy that Brittany is shoving Santana into the friend zone when they’re clearly electric together. But otherwise, we thought this episode was brilliant! How could we not? (Translation: What part of the words “Blaine gets a rub-down” don’t you understand??)
For our “Favorite Scene of the Night,” as much as we loved Tina and Blaine in her bed (and we loved it), there really is no contest: Our favorite scene by far is Santana’s barn burner of an anthem with “Girl on Fire,” ending with her informing Kurt and Rachel that she’s there new roommate. We wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Of course, we have to pause a moment and attempt to wrap our heads around that shocking kiss between Finn and Emma. Like, what?! We really can’t fathom that Emma would let Finn kiss her (for germ reasons alone), or even why Finn would do that, given that he’s Schue’s best man. Finn seriously likes Emma now? And will the kiss stop the Wemma wedding? We’re baffled.
Time to Bid Adieu to Schue?
Then again, does anyone else feel like this show doesn’t really need Schue much anymore? Okay, maybe we don’t really mean that, but we haven't really noticed that Schue is gone, and we kinda don’t want Finn to have to step down from leading New Directions. Sorry, Schue, but we just might be over you. It’s not you — it’s us.
And why did Brody not even try to comfort Rachel after her Midnight Madness loss? Speaking of people we’re over, Brody definitely falls into that category. In fact, the only reason we’re glad Brody is still living with Rachel is because we seriously can’t wait to see Santana badger him unrelentlessly. You just know Santana isn’t going to be a Brody fan.
Now, we can't wait for next week's Valentine's Day episode! In the meantime, if anyone needs us, we'll be busy buying VapoRub in case Blaine ever ends up asleep in our room. You never know.