How amazing was tonight’s second Britney Spears tribute episode on Glee? Answer: So good that it might just be good enough to add to the list of our ten favorite Glee episodes of all time! Or to put it another way, it was like a one-way trip to Happyville.
Or to put it yet another way: If we said we loved tonight's Glee episode, would you hold it against us? (Okay, so that’s not a double entendre, but not everything needs a hidden meaning. Wordplay is overrated, people.) So grab your cashews and bacon, give your squirrel husband a kiss, and put your hair into a high pony — because it’s Britney, bitch Gleek!
The episode, “Britney 2.0,” begins with Britney realizing that she’s not actually doing a voiceover, leading into her awesome “Hold It Against Me.” Yes, Brittany's vocal performance proves that she really does deserve to be vice-Rachel.
And just like that, within the first five minutes of the episode, we realized there need to be more Brittany-centric episodes. The girl was just a nonstop avalanche of hilarity! We've got to say it: Glee not featuring Brittany as much as possible is like someone ordering a banana split and only eating the banana. (Translation: It’s a waste of what you have in front of you, and it's just wrong.)
Sadly, we soon learn that Brittany is in a serious funk. First, Sue kicks her off the Cheerios because she doesn’t appreciate how amazing that drawing of Happyland is, with its drawing of a frowny Sue, plus Kurt and Rachel in heaven. (Apparently, if you’re not in the same room as Brittany, she assumes you’re dead.)
But the saddest moment of the entire episode came early on, with Santana not having enough time to “scissor Skype” — or even talk — with Brittany. (Of course, this scene was in a tight race for “Saddest Scene of the Night” with Marley getting jilted by Snake Jake at the end. Close call.)
So we finally get Santana back, and this is how the show uses her? Like, how is it possible that Santana doesn’t even sneak in a single one of her patented snarks? Don’t look now, but has Santana gotten — shudder to think — soft?!
In happier news, things are going a bit better in Rachel's part of the world. She and Kurt have a loft that's so ginormous that they can apparently train for the Tour de France in it, and Kurt later encourages Rachel to stand up to "Crazy July" with a super sexy dance (tables are sexy, right?). Also, Brody does sit-ups, Brody does sit-ups, Brody does sit-ups. Sorry — what were we just talking about?
Back in McKinley, Schue encourages the New Directions to help Brittany get out of her funk by doing Britney Spears songs for the pep rally. Apparently, Schue realizes that not even grandmas would be caught dead in a “World’s Greatest Grandma” shirt. (And how great were Brittany's orange Crocs?)
Plus, Marley falls for Jake, despite Unique’s warning that he’s a womanizer. Note to Unique: Jake may be a womanizer, but he’s a womanizer who pushes mean football players into vats of vegetables. And come to think of it, those are the two things we hate the most: Bullies and leafy greens.
And of course we have to point out how much we loved Marley and Jake’s duet on “U Drive Me Crazy”/“Crazy.” We weren’t 100% sold yet on Marley’s singing voice after last week, but with tonight’s episode, she has officially impressed us. In fact, we enjoyed this week’s song selections overall more than last week’s (although we would never say anything remotely negative about Blaine doing “It’s Time”).
We also must admit that we're totally developing a soft spot for Jarley. (In other words: Take a hike, Kitty!)
As for our “Scene of the Week,” it comes down to two scenes featuring the beginnings of unlikely friendships. We loved watching Puck the Elder talk Jake into joining the glee club, but our favorite scene was Sam and Brittany's secret, compass-free intervention. We can't get enough of these two as besties! Team Samtany for the win! (However, does Sam really have to save the day every week?)
At this point, we should ask for a show of hands to see who is still on Team Finchel, and who thinks Rachel should have just gone ahead and kissed Brody. Look, we love Finchel as much as the next person (honest!), but Finn isn’t doing himself any favors by staying AWOL. Brody not only had Rachel’s back after her tirade in Cassandra’s class, but the guy looks amazing in a tank top. Plus, he’s a straight guy who knows what orchids are. C'mon — that alone should tip the scales in Brody’s favor.
We didn’t really have many quibbles at all about this episode, aside from the fact that Santana was uncharacterisically cold to Brit. We kept waiting for Santana to send Brit some kind of adorable message at the end of the episode, but it never happened. Oh, and what was up with Jake building a volcano in school? Let's be honest here: No actual high school offers “volcano class,” right?
And what was Artie thinking when he claimed they'd scraped the bottom of the “Britney barrel”? We won’t go so far as to call him “garbage wrapped in skin” for that comment, but it wasn’t accurate at all! Like, how could they skip “Lucky,” especially since this is a show about being a star? Or “Circus”? Or “Till the World Ends”? Or... (Okay, we made our point, and we’re waiting for you to rescind that comment, Artie. The ball’s now in your court, dude.)
Long story short, tonight’s episode was so awesome that it deserves the exact opposite of an F-. And if you hear us scream in the next few minutes, it's because we've pushed two tables together in an attempt to do the splits in between them, and we now require immediate medical attention. Please call us an ambulance.