Practically every time that Brittany (Heather Morris) opens her mouth on Glee, we find ourselves cracking up for the rest of the day. Although each Brittany quote is brilliant (in its own way), we’ve managed to pick out her 15 lines from Season 3 that made us laugh the most.
We just hope Brit spends a little less time this summer being so darn hilarious, and a bit more time helping Lord Tubbington get back on the straight and narrow.
15. You mean there are times when Brit doesn’t instantly blurt out whatever’s on her mind? (Episode 2: “I am Unicorn”)
Brittany [when Kurt (Chris Colfer) is speechless]: That happens to me all the time — my lips move, but only dust comes out.
14. Brittany wants to hire a translator for Damian McGinty. (Episode 4: “Pot O’ Gold”)
Brittany [to Rory (Damian McGinty)]: You look magical and amazing, but I don't understand what you're saying. So if you're gonna make it in this world, you better learn to speak English.
13. Why do we believe Brittany would still eat it — ashes and all? (Episode 1: “The Purple Piano Project”)
Brittany [to Quinn (Dianna Agron)]: We used to be like The Three Musketeers, and now me and Santana [Naya Rivera] are like Almond Joy, and you’re like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.
12. Brittany’s still getting a grasp on modern plumbing. (Episode 3: “Asian F”)
Brittany: Oh, so you’re cool with flushing McKinley High’s future down the magical poop-stealing water chair?
11. Lord Tubbington is making Bernie Madoff very proud. (Episode 19: “Prom-asaurus”)
Brittany: I now realize I wasted an entire year belaboring the nuances of my fluid teen sexuality and getting caught up in Lord Tubbington’s Ponzi schemes. Then, for a while I stopped talking.
10. Just imagine what pie a la mode would sound like. (Episode 6: “Mash Off”)
Brittany: She sounds like what banana cream pie sounds like when it sings.
9. Sweets Gone Wild! (Episode 4: “Pot O’ Gold”)
Santana: I wanna talk about the thing that we never talk about.
Brittany: What? That Sour Patch Kids are just Gummy Bears that turned to drugs?
8. Note to Brittany: Most people just pick flowers when it’s springtime. (Episode 15: “Big Brother”)
Brittany: It’s springtime — I would like to see something give birth.
7. When it comes to cannibalism, at least Brittany is fair about it. (Episode 22: “Goodbye”)
Brittany: We can use the waste basket for the toilet. And then we could eat Joe for the food since she’s been here the shortest, so we know her the least.
6. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of candy. (Episode 7: “I Kissed a Girl”)
Brittany: If elected, I will make sure to have sugary treats available at all time. It helps with concentration — that’s what George Washington said.
5. Brittany hasn’t gotten around to reading the instruction manual for the door knob. (Episode 11: “Michael”)
Brittany [about locking the door]: I don’t know how to do that.
4. That’s one way to solve the problem. (Episode 20: “Props”)
Mercedes: Most guys I know don’t even know how to change their own underwear.
Brittany: I couldn’t really figure that out, so I just stopped wearing any at all.
3. That’s kind of correct, right? (Episode 2: “I Am Unicorn”)
Teacher: What’s the capital of Ohio? Brittany.
2. We hear that the cat-rave scene is bigger than ever these days. (Episode 14: “On My Way”)
Brittany: I want Lord Tubbington to kick his ecstasy addiction.
1. If you ever get pizza with Brittany, make sure *you* choose the toppings. (Episode 1: “The Purple Piano Project”)
Brittany: I have pepperoni in my bra.
Santana: Those are your nipples.
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