Needless to say, Glee’s all-new Tuesday night episode, Season 3, Episode 5: “The First Time,” is raising a lot of questions (and eyebrows). Though we know some details about Klaine’s sex scene — one that Chris Colfer recently called “sweet and emotional,” we’re still dying to see how things will play out for Kurt and the other soon-to-be non-virgin Rachel (Lea Michele) — and how we, the fans, will receive it.
So to get some perspective, we analyzed four memorable TV first times, ranking everything from music selection to the final pre-sex speech (because there’s always a final pre-sex speech!) — and what these past TV “big moments’’mean for Glee.
1. Donna Martin to David Silver on Beverly Hills, 90210
How long did we have to wait? 208 episodes (Holy restraint, Batman!)
Where? In a bedroom, after Kelly’s college graduation party.
Were there candles? Yes (although it looked an awful lot like a menorah).
What were they wearing? Donna is wearing lingerie, as everyone does for their first time, right?
Protection? Yes. (Condom, provided by Donna)
Mood music? Basically elevator music — piano, sax, and strings. (In other words, either someone is about to get it on, or we’re about to get our teeth cleaned by the dentist.)
Final speech: Donna surprises David by being sprawled out on the bed when he walks in, saying she wanted to lose it with him because he waited. Okay, so he didn’t technically wait, since he certainly wasn’t still a virgin, but we appreciate her sentiment.
Did they stay together forever? Yep, they get married.
Overall cheesiness factor: 9.5
2. Joey Potter to Pacey Witter on Dawson’s Creek
How long did we have to wait? 81 episodes.
Where? In a ski lodge.
Were there candles? Yes, and a fireplace. Let’s hope they had recently changed the batteries in their smoke detectors, just to be safe.
What were they wearing? Pacey was wearing a wife-beater (no complaints from us!) and Joey had on pink jammies. So Joey.
Protection? Yes. (Condom, provided by Joey.)
Mood music? Some song by a Lilith Fair-type singer-songwriter — but would you expect anything else from a show with a Paula Cole song as the theme song?
Final speech: Joey said Pacey won her over with all the little things, like bringing her a napkin when he bought her popcorn. And then Pacey says, “I love this woman,” and jumps up and down on a yellow couch. Oh, wait — that might have been someone else who did that.
Did they stay together forever? Yes, as they end the series living together in New York.
Overall cheesiness factor: 7 (It would have been a 6, but that music pushed it up a notch.)
3. Seth Cohen and Summer Roberts (both virgins!) on The OC
How long did we have to wait? 19 episodes.
Where? Spur-of-the-moment, in Summer’s bedroom.
What were they wearing? They didn’t exactly get dressed up for the occasion: Summer’s in workout garb, Seth in an ironic t-shirt (natch).
Were there candles? No, but knowing Seth’s klutziness, that’s probably a good thing.
Protection? Not seen, but condoms are discussed.
Mood music? The song “Hello, Sunshine” (get it?) by Super Furry Animals. (So it involved indie rock and wordplay? That’s basically this series in a nutshell.)
Final speech: Seth says, “For me, it’s always been you, Summer.” Chills!
Did they stay together forever? Yes — they get hitched, too.
Overall cheesiness factor: 5 (In other words, just cheesy enough.)
4. Blair Waldorf to Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl
How long did we have to wait? Seven whole episodes — but when has Gossip Girl ever made us wait for sex?
Where? In the back of a limo after a party. Classy.
What were they wearing? Standard outfits — Blair in something chic, Chuck in a bow tie.
Were there candles? Most definitely not (but maybe there were some road flares on the street as they drove past in that limo?).
Mood music? Sum 41. In other words, thank goodness this scene was so brief.
Final speech: Uh, final speech? Chuck says, “You sure?” and Blair goes in for the kill. Not exactly a moment you tell your grandkids about.
Did they stay together forever? We shall see...
Overall cheesiness factor: 1 (Cheesy? No. Sexy as hell? No question about it.)
The verdict: What can we expect on Glee?
Based on our findings, we’re expecting Glee’s first times to include a final speech where someone focuses on the little things about the other person, we expect someone to hold up a condom, and we’re 50-50 on whether some candles will be busted out for the occasion. We know Tina Turner’s involved somehow, and knowing this is Glee, we also expect a fair amount of cheese, a ridiculous amount of dramatic pauses, and let’s face it... we expect plenty of people to sing about it the morning after.
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