10. Santana’s judgmental side arrived early
Santana: Legend has it that when I came out of my mother, I told the nurse she was fat.
9. Spelling is not Brittany’s strong suit
Santana: [re: Brittany’s “Lebanese” shirt] I’m Hispanic. Wait, was that supposed to be “lesbian”?
Brittany (Heather Morris): Yeah, isn’t that what it says?
8. Santana gives some constructive criticism
Santana: I mean, I’m sure that Sam’s been at the doctor’s office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth reduction. I’ll bet Artie’s thought about getting his legs removed, since he’s not really using them anyways. And I’m definitely sure that Tina’s looked into getting an eye de-slanting.
7. Baby steps
Santana: Look, I’m not ready to start eating jicama or get a flat-top yet either. Maybe in junior college.
6. Can anyone blame Karofsky (Max Adler) for checking out Sam’s (Chord Overstreet) ass?
Santana: First of all, I saw you checking out Sam’s ass the other day. You know, you really need to be more careful with your leering.
Karofsky: I didn’t. I was just seeing what jeans he was wearing.
Santana: Like that’s any less gay.
5. Seeds can be tough to open
Santana: Look, maybe Rachel’s fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds.
4. Is it weird that we just got hungry?
Santana: [to Finn] You have weird, puffy pyramid nipples. They look like they’re filled with custard. You could dust them with powdered sugar and they could pass for some sort of dessert.
3. Santana knows her strengths
Santana: I’m a closet lesbian and a judgmental bitch, which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar.
2. Speaking of Medusa, Santana clearly has a heart of stone
Santana: I hear that Rachel’s got a bit of a schnoz; I mean, I wouldn’t know, because like Medusa, I try to avoid eye contact with her.
1. Truer words have never been spoken
Santana: Only straight I am is straight-up bitch.
For more from “Born This Way”:
- Kurt Returns to New Directions! Recap of “Born This Way”
- Relive the Magic! Full Performances From “Born This Way”
Get ready for next week’s all-new episode, “Rumours”!
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