Okay, Gleeks — it’s time to grab your hoodie, sweep your bangs to the side, and get Jaden Smith on speed-dial: Bieber Fever is sweeping the nation, and no one is immune. Not even you. (You can admit it. This is a safe space.)
A major plot point in tonight’s Glee revolved around the Bieb, and two of his tunes were performed. So if you managed to watch the episode without passing out — or even if the episode forced you to freak out so much that you’re now on life support, but you can at least still use your vision — feel free to continue reading. (But you better keep a paper bag handy, just in case.)
The episode, entitled “Comeback,” indeed kicked off with Sam needing a way to impress Quinn. Sam has been led to believe that it was CPR and not a super-hot makeout sesh that caused Finn and Quinn’s mono. (Their mono has now been miraculously cured, by the way; who says the U.S. health care system is broken?)
So Sam performs “Baby” as Bieber, and the girls predictably go wild. And thankfully, no one in the glee club joned in with the Ludacris part. Maybe there is a God after all.
Sue is in a funk of her own after her cannon stunt went awry, so she has taken a bunch of pills in a suicide attempt — or so Schue and Emma are led to believe. (What’s with all the gullible characters this week?) Emma decides that Sue needs to join glee, and Will reluctantly agrees. (Looks like Emma really does have the poor guy whipped!)
But of course, it wouldn’t be Sue if she weren’t also trying to bring about glee’s demise. She pits Rachel and Mercedes against each other (not that it’s all that hard to do), which leads to another diva-off, this time with a Rent song during Schue-mandated “anthems week.” But the song brings the two girls closer together. Schue senses that Sue needs a little humanity — but when doesn’t she? — so he takes her to a children’s hospital to watch him sing. (Uh-oh! Ukulele alert!)
In other New Directions news, the other guys are jealous of the effect that Sam’s Bieber vibe is having on the ladies, so they convince him to let them perform another tune that’s “Bieberlicious” (which is Santana’s word, not ours! We swear!). And how awesome were Puck’s fake bangs? Needless to say, after the second J-Bieb song, Quinn is firmly on Team Sam.
Meanwhile, Lauren gets her first solo (you go!), which she accomplishes by taking Puck’s advice and picturing all the glee kids in their unmentionables. (Did someone say “gratuitous shots of Sam without his shirt”? We accept!)
Rachel has been having a rocky week. She hires Brit to test out new fashion trends and credit Rachel, which leads to everyone dressing exactly like Rachel does but without Rachel getting acknowledged. And then, when Rachel suggests that glee needs to write an original song to compete at Regionals against Aural Intensity and the Warblers (what — no Vocal Adrenaline?), the gang vetoes her, although Finn later confesses that he’s on her side. Took him long enough!
But two shockers were saved for the end. First, Sam finds out about the Quinn-Finn kiss and dumps Q for Santana, who had propositioned him earlier. Classy girl, that Santana. And Sue has jumped ship and is the new coach of Aural Intensity. Traitor!
All in all, quite an episode. And we’re proud of you for being able to watch it while still maintaining control of your faculties. But just to be safe, you should probably lay low for a few days before you rush to a movie theater to watch Never Say Never. (Or should we say, “re-watch Never Say Never.” We know you too well.)