5. Puck dabbles in everything
Puck: I’m a total Jew for Jesus. He’s my number one Heeb.
4. Kurt frightens poor Brittany
Kurt: You can’t prove that there isn’t a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn’t it?
Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?
3. Sue weighs in on the issue
Sue: Well, William, if your students want to praise Jesus in class, I suggest they enroll at Sweet Holy Mother of God Academy on I Love Jesus Street, but not here. This country is not a monarchy, William. Trust me, I’ve tried.
2. Brittany offers her medical insight
Brittany: I did a book report on heart attacks, if you want to give it to the doctor. I got knocked down an entire letter grade ‘cause it was written in crayon.
1. Way to show your support, Puck!
Puck: Oh, my God. He’s coming out.
Finn: Well, yes, there is a man who’s sorta recently come into my life, and that man is Jesus Christ.
Puck: That’s way worse.
10. If Suzanne Somers said it, it must be true
Kurt: You forgot your breakfast. Suzanne Somers says that skipping breakfast is suicide.
9. Apes can be highly trained these days
Sue (to Emma): Now get the hell out of my office. I realize you’re only half orangutan, but I’m still very allergic to your lustrous, ginger mane.
8. Life is tough for Brittany
Brittany: Whenever I pray, I fall asleep.
7. Finn makes his prayers count
Finn: Anyway, [Rachel’s] boobs aren’t that great, but they’re still girl boobs, and I’d really like to touch them.
6. Lizards can actually be really cute
Quinn: I had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I for one wouldn’t mind saying thanks.
Santana: Thanks for what? That it didn’t come out a lizard baby?