Jacob (to Finn, about Rachel): What do you want for her? I’ll give you anything. I’ll give you my house! I’ll kill my parents, and I’ll give you my house.
4. Talk about a back-handed compliment!
Santana: Well, Rachel, congratulations. Normally, you dress like the fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark, specific fetish, but I actually dig this look.
3. Finn and Rachel aren’t exactly a power couple yet
Karofsy (about Finn and Rachel): How come all the gay guys always get the hottest chicks?
2. At least he earned his doctorate
Brittany: I don’t brush my teeth; I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.
1. If only Will accessorized with a flower hat
Sue: You can expect a call very soon from my lawyer, Gloria Allred. I’m going to sue the pants off you, Will. I’m gonna take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean, seriously — you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.
10. Nothing like a little reminiscing
Brittany: This room looks like the one in that spaceship where I got probed.
9. Santana really has a way with wordplay
Santana: Can I just say you are the hottest dentist I’ve ever seen.
Carl: Yeah, I get that all the time.
Santana: No, like, seriously — you can totally drill me whenever...
8. Brittany sees the light
Brittany: I’m more talented than all of you; I see that clearly now. It’s Brittany... bitch.
7. Yes, we know what you mean
Jacob (to Sue): Can I go now please? But you’re gonna have to turn around when I stand up, if you know what I mean.
6. Sue the Historian
Sue: You know, William, that’s what one Hubert Humphrey said back in 1968 at the start of the Democratic National Convention. But then hippies put acid in everyone’s bourbon, and when an updraft revealed Ladybird Johnson’s tramp-stamp and tattoos above her ovaries, Mayor Richard J. Daley became so incensed with sexual rage that he punched his own wife in the face and spent the next hour screaming, “Sex party,” into the microphones of all three major networks.