10. Our compliments to the chef.
Tina (Jenna Ushkowitz): Blaine has an awesome body and a perky and delicious behind that looks like it got baked to perfection by some sort of master chef.
9. We’re sure Charles Barkley is a great professor.
Brittany (Heather Morris): I’ll go to Harvard or Princetown or Mitt or Stanford and Son or the University of California at Charles Barkley’s House, ‘cause evidently I’m one of the smartest people in America.
8. We doubt Sam would approve, given his speech about going hairless.
Sue (Jane Lynch): My Penthouse centerfold, so groundbreaking that it completely redefined the term ‘hirsute’ and gave birth unto these United States a pose so limber they named it the Regal American Not-So-Bald Spread Eagle.
7. Jack Sparrow would be impressed by Joe’s locks.
Kitty (Becca Tobin) [about Joe (Samuel Larsen) selling his hair]: To who — Jamaican kids with Rastafarian cancer or as rigging on a haunted pirate ship?
6. Tenants have rights, too, Lord Tubbington.
Brittany: If you would’ve told me that Lord Tubbington was secretly a slumlord, I would’ve believed you. [To Lord Tubbington] None of your high-rises are up to code. Those families are living in squalor, and they deserve better.
5. Better safe than sorry.
Sam (Chord Overstreet): Who says you can’t pack a little extra? I like baby socks. Now just make sure the sock is clean, so you don’t get any athlete’s foot on your junk.
4. You’re on your own there, Sue.
Sue: In fact, I feel like taking a gander at that glorious taco right now.
3. These are dolls from a not-so-popular line of Mattel toys.
Kurt (Chris Colfer) [to Rachel (Lea Michele)]: A year ago you were all plaid skirts and “Do you think Finn really likes me?” and now you’re Slutty Barbie asking Misogynist Ken to move in with you, doing pornos. What’s happening to you?
2. C’mon, Sam — one love.
Sam [to Joe]: My washboard’s gonna make you look like a bloated white Bob Marley.
1. The truth hurts.
Santana (Naya Rivera) [to Rachel]: Topless is as nude as anyone is ever gonna want to see you.