The season premiere of Glee did not disappoint, especially with Sue and Brittany back to their vintage selves! With so many amazing quotes in that short hour, it was hard to narrow it down — but somehow we managed.
Here are our our top picks from Season 3, Episode 1: “The Purple Piano Project" — with three bonus adds in honor of our latest fallen New Directions soldiers: Sam, Zizes, and Santana (however temporarily). Quinn’s rebelling, so we’re rebelling too by not including her in the list of the fallen (Plus, we think she’ll be back pretty soon.)
13. The closest thing to a compliment Mr. Schue will ever get from Sue
Sue: “I’m really enjoying this new stink of man marbles wafting off of you this year... I’m talking about your little pixie dust hate crime.”
12. According to Simon Cowell, she’s puppy dog
Santana: Senior year is all about...modeling my fierceness after my numero uno Latina, Paula Abdul.
Jacob: Paula Abdul is an Arab.
11. As always, Sue is never a closed book
Sue: [about herself] Unless it’s a day she’s being screened for hepatitis, this gal isn’t positive.
10. Quinn’s new posse needs to practice their insults
Ronnie [about Rachel]: Your friend stinks of soap, Quinn.
9. We wish it were because then perhaps Lord Tubbington would make an appearance!
Brittany: [about West Side Story] Is that the one with cats?
8. C’mon — Finn’s arms aren’t that short
Kurt [about the YouTube video of Finn kissing Rachel at Nationals]: The comment section is just full of pithy banter, like “Why is that T-Rex eating the Jew?”
7. Get in line, dude. R-Patz is everyone’s future husband
Gavroche: As my future husband Robert Pattinson always says, “It’s refreshing to get new blood.”
6. And with that, Becky’s future in politics ends
Becky [on which issue Sue should be against]: What about toast? Bread’s already been baked — I don’t get why you need to cook it again.
5. If the classroom’s a rockin...
Emma [as Schue decides to confront Sue]: So this is what being turned on feels like.
4. We hate to say it, but we sorta love Sugar (and we’re also big fans of self-diagnoses)
Sugar: I’m Sugar Motta, and I have self-diagnosed Asperger’s, so I can pretty much say whatever I want — I’m like a diplomat’s daughter.
3. Heather Morris loves her boobs!
Brittany: I have pepperoni in my bra.
Santana: Those are your nipples.
2. If a song doesn’t contain the words “And I’m proud to be an American,” Sue isn’t interested
Sue [as Mike and Tina play “Chopsticks”]: Sorry — I just realized that song might be the national anthem for whatever country you’re from.
1. Why do we believe Brittany would still eat it — ashes and all?
Brittany [to Quinn]: We used to be like The Three Musketeers, and now me and Santana are like Almond Joy, and you’re like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.