Although Gossip Girl starlet Blake Lively married our husband Ryan Reynolds almost a month ago, it wasn’t until recently that their marriage certificate was revealed. We know, they’re cute and sweet together and damn they look good on one another’s arm, but we’re pretty sure at least one of these things is happening right now:
1) Millions of girls are printing it out, and whiting out Blake’s (or Ryan’s — we don’t judge) name and putting their own in and hanging it on their walls. Not us, of course. That would be ridiculous... Why do you ask, did you see us do it?
2) Your crazy "friend" has copied down the addresses, purchased tickets to both Beverly Hills and New York, and is trying to track down the couple RIGHT NOW. Sorry, kids. Neither address listed belongs to the beautiful couple — those are just the lawyers’ boxes.
3) Fires. Lots and lots of fires. After printing out the proof that your life is over certificate, gaggles of girls/boys are burning them in horrible, crippling sadness, crying out to the genetic gods that life is so unfair. There may or may not be a continent-wide shortage (Ryan’s Canadian, remember) of rocky road ice cream. Because it’s true folks. We knew they were married, but now there’s proof.
It is sweet that Blake’s sister and brother-in-law were the witnesses. And hey, at least you have a copy of Blake’s signature now to go with the lock of blonde hair you “found” on eBay...
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