Gossip Girl

Upper East Side insider Gossip Girl vs. “A” from Pretty Little Liars: These two queen b*tches share a ton of similarities: They’re both mean. They’re both tech-savvy. They both seem to have surveillance cameras implanted throughout their respective metropolitan areas.

But when it comes down to an old-fashioned cyber-b*tch-off, who’s left gossiped to death and who walks away? We weigh the evidence:

Secrecy

“A” keeps taunting our gang to try to find out who she is and  — devious as he or she may be — one of these days they’re going to figure it out. Gossip Girl, on the other hand, has somehow brainwashed every Manhattan billionaire into not even trying to figure out her identity.

Advantage: Gossip Girl

Meanness

Gossip Girl blogs a mean game, but she never directly intervenes in the affairs of mortals. She’s never, say, kidnapped anyone. “A”, on the other hand? She could easily off half the cast with a chainsaw, send a bitchy text about it, and we wouldn’t even be surprised. Probably kind of sad, but not surprised.

Advantage: “A”

Reach

Gossip Girl, we’re led to believe, is the most popular gossip blog in New York City (and we’re a town with a lot of gossip blogs). “A” has an audience of four. So, while Aria and Co. do exhibit a certain terrified brand loyalty, Gossip Girl’s ad revenue is unquestionably higher.

Advantage: Gossip Girl

Chutzpah

Gossip Girl does seem like she’s resting on her laurels a bit, doesn’t she? A pun here, a dig at Dan Humphrey there — but when was the last time she did lasting damage? Even the characters on the show barely seem to pay attention to her these days. “A”, on the other hand, is an endless fount of b*tchy creativity.

Advantage: “A”

Puns

“A” may throw a rhyme or two into her catty missives, but Gossip Girl tosses witty allusions to everything from great literature to the Japanese commodities market. “Napoleon once said that secrets travel fast in Paris, but Gossip Girl travels faster. Bisou bisou,” she once quipped. All right, her jokes are mostly groaners — but at least she tries to elevate her life-ruining discourse.

Advantage: Gossip Girl

GG takes it by a nose, but we’re pretty sure her advantage won’t last. “A” is energetic young blood in the gossip game, while Gossip Girl is showing her age. One devastating text or logistically complicated kidnapping could tip the scales in “A”’s favor...

Do you agree with our results? Tell us what you think!