Gossip Girl

It’s T-minus five days till Season 5 of Gossip Girl blasts off, and we can’t wait. Here’s a few of the reasons we’re counting the hours till the season premiere.

Because the world sucks. Look around. 2011’s not exactly our finest hour. Everyone’s poor, out of shape and wearing maxi skirts. So sue us, but we want rich people. Rich, thin, pretty people with shiny clothes and cavernous apartments.

Because we’ve gotta get it while it lasts. We hate to break it to you, but Gossip Girl won’t be around forever. How long do you really think it’ll be before Blake or Leighton flits off to live the dream of starring in romantic comedies Kristen Bell passed on? We intend to enjoy the still-largely-intact cast while we can.

Because there’s intrigue. Who’s pregnant? Who’s the father? Will Chuck win Blair back? Will Dan? Will Serena offhandedly ruin a guy’s life? (Yes.) So many questions! We’ve been chewing our headbands in suspense for three months. We demand answers, and we demand them now! Or on September 26th at the latest.

Because there’s new blood. Vanessa’s out. Charlie/Ivy’s in. How will Serena’s devious little fake cousin shake up the show’s existing power structure and relationships? She hasn’t slept with Chuck, Nate, or Dan! She’s practically a virgin. Although probably not for long. Sex is pretty much how Nate and Chuck say hello.

Because we’ve missed it so. No one else on television seems to understand our needs for retro lingerie, drinks being thrown in people’s faces, fancy exclusive parties in theoretically public institutions, Dan pining, Chuck smouldering, Serena whoring, Blair scheming, and Eric being like “I hate all you people.” But Gossip Girl. Oh, Gossip Girl understands.

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