Can a mere 22 seconds hold you over until April 2? We sure hope so, ‘cuz that’s all we’ve got so far from Gossip Girl’s first post-hiatus ep, “Con-Heir.” Let’s make the most of it and dissect this baby’s every detail, shall we?

Scene #1
Blair (Leighton Meester) shows up at Dan’s (Penn Badgley) digs in skimpy lingerie and declares, “We’ve been waiting weeks” as the voice-over proclaims that “Gossip Girl will reach its CLIMAX!” Naturally, they’re talking about the storyline itself. Wait, that is what they’re talking about, right?

Scene #2
Dan jerks closed the curtains in a room that’s definitely not his place in Brooklyn. Blair is in different clothes, but Dan’s in the same shirt? Either B had a costume change between hopping from Brooklyn to the UES (and/or back again), or Dan ran out of quarters for the laundry machine. (We hate when that happens!)

Scene #3
Okay, we give up – where IS this taking place? Are the two going incognito at a hotel because Blair’s still married? We see champagne glasses. Comp room at the Empire? Surely not. Somehow, we don’t think Chuck (Ed Westwick) will be jumping on the Dair ‘ship anytime soon. (Or ever, for that matter.) Wherever they are, it’s time to hit the mattress.

Scene #4
It looks like their day has been a little more anti-climatic than Dan and Blair hoped. They’re in bed and appear less than pleased with their lack-o-heat between the sheets. Is this what that chit-chat last week was about when we heard Dair had a big obstacle coming? (We recommend a quick chat with Summer Roberts and Seth Cohen — it all works out okay in the end, guys!)

Scene #5
And then they resort to hiding from each other? Is that B leaving the scene of the crime? Oh, dear.

Scene #6
Good ol’ Nate (Chace Crawford) is laying it down for us. “The sex was bad, wasn’t it?” he asks a clearly bummed Lonely Boy. His sympathy would be cute, but we’re sort of unnerved by the fact that this social circle is so, so small. (Seriously, Nate went from being B dream guy to the bff of her soulmate, and now he’s talking about her in bed with yet another guy. A little awkward, no?)

Scene #7
Oh, Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski), bless you. She takes time out from her busy housekeeping and duck-feeding duties to give a little love advice. And she’s right: Maybe Dan is just nervous.

Scene #8
Incoming awkward Dair scene! Good thing these two are so close that they can just be honest about this, right? But, ouch. Does Blair Waldorf know how to be anything but blunt and brutal? Poor Dan finds out that her “Wow” actually mean “Wow, that was terrible.” Harsh. HARSH. Look the poor guy’s mug! Feelin’ queasy, dearie? Don’t worry, you two crazy kids will work this out! (At least, we hope so!)

So, there’s clearly going to be a lot of action, but where’s the rest of the drama? Here lies zero hint of the continuation of the Chivy, William vdW, Serena-as-GG and Jack Bass storylines. Guess the C-Dubs just know how to market their product when doin’ the deed is on the menu. Come for the Dair action, stay for the rest-a those sad sacks!

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Credit: Video via YouTube Photo: Sneak Peek of Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 18: "Con-Heir"