But! Serena (Blake Lively), who was tipped off about Dan and Blair’s kiss last week by Vanessa (Jessica Szohr), enlists Charlie (Kaylee DeFer) to stalk them to see if it’s true. Long story short, Serena ends up convinced that Dan and Blair have been sneaking around behind her back, and Dan and Blair’s fake kiss ends up all over Gossip Girl. Who was the agent of all that chaos and misunderstanding? New girl Charlie, who somehow has yet to go “Y’all crazy and it’s cold here,” and head back to Florida.
You know who should really commit more felonies? Lily (Kelly Rutherford). Because it’s turning her into a total badass. She’s under house arrest and in total denial — she thinks she can continue to reign supreme on the Upper East Side from within the range of her ankle bracelet. After her UES posse of skinny blondes (including Nate’s mom) diss her, Rufus (Matt Settle) does manage to successfully blackmail them into having this week’s fancy party at Lily’s place, but after one too many snotty remarks, Lily is all “Eff this noise,” and deliberately sets off her bracelet so the cops will come shut the shindig down. That’s our girl! Maybe she should embrace this side of herself and build a criminal empire. Finally, an activity she and Jenny (Taylor Momsen) could do together.
Dan and Blair finally come clean to S, but it’s too late: She and Blair are well into their semi-annual giant jealous fume-fest. Those two are more possessive of each other than they’d allow any boy to be. Dan slinks back to Brooklyn to give the conniving Vanessa a very cold, very satisfying diss, telling her their friendship is over for good. He ends up drinking with Charlie and admits to her that he has feelings for Blair, while Charlie spills that she, too, has recently been dumped. Hmm, anyone we know? Queen B huffs off with her prince, who, after demanding to know that she’s serious about him (after one day? Get over yourself, Louis!) decides to go public with their relationship. Blair’s got her fairytale, but she’s got a couple excess princes to deal with. How will Sir Dan of DUMBO and Baron Von Bass react to her new paramour? Prediction: Dan will mope; Chuck will leave a horse’s head in Louis’ bed and/or buy his country.
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