Gossip Girl

It can be awkward to add someone new to your social circle. Especially when they’re a convicted felon. Or trying to destroy your family business. Or the first person who’s ever been in charge of you. Will the GG gang be able to play nice with their new friends in Season 4, Episode 14: “Panic Roommate”? Read on to find out! (Spoiler: No.)

Blair is wigging the heck out. Her boss Epperly, the only person we can remember who’s ever been able to terrify Blair, is snapping at her nonstop on the eve of Blair’s performance review. B, rather than wondering why she’s having a performance review after working at W for a week, decides it’s time for a scheme. If Epperly’s too stressed out to appreciate Blair’s greatness, B will de-stress her — and we don’t mean a day at the spa. After Chuck turns down Blair’s request to tousle Epperly’s ringlets, Blair tries to push her into Nate’s arms. After much lying to both parties, it works — sort of. Epperly meets an old non-Nate boyfriend at the W party, he sweeps her off to an ashram (how... romantic) and she quits W. That’s OK, because she’s recommended a replacement: Blair. Effective immediately, she’s the editor’s assistant. Hey Blair, remember that time Jenny tried to juggle a full time fashion job with going to school? Remember how it ended with a trash can fire? Just something to watch out for.

Chuck is also trying to twist love to his own devices. He and Raina are banging day and night, but no matter how much he sexes her up, she refuses to fall for him — which he needs her to do so she’ll spare Bass Industries. With some coaching from Blair, Chuck realizes he needs to show a little more vulnerability. He gives her a tour of the Palace, AKA the childhood home of the saddest little suit-wearing kindergartner ever, and they bond for real over their shared past as the scions of hotel moguls. His plan nearly fails when Russell Thorpe reveals Chuck’s duplicity to Raina, but with a testimonial from Blair, things are back on track — and Raina tells Russell that any acquisition of Bass Industries must include Chuck.

Dan has a new roommate, and he’s not happy about it: Rufus moves Ben into the loft. Rufus, remember how you’re rich now? Get the guy a studio. Dan is quite understandably pissed that he’s sharing a bathroom with a felon, and he finds some unexpected allies in his wrath: Damien has been busy being Eric’s new best friend, and he’s got him convinced that Ben is bad news.

Dan’s initially unconvinced that working with Damien is a good idea (maybe because OMG, it’s not), but when he realizes just how hot for teacher Serena still is — and that Ben clearly wants to keep her after class for extra study — he’s in and the scheme is on. Damien tries to goad Ben into beating him up in front of witnesses; when Ben doesn’t rise to the bait, Damien gets Eric to punch him instead. Ben’s carted off to jail for the night, and Damien immediately (and stupidly) friend-dumps Eric. Eric admits the truth about setting Ben up, and a conscience-stricken Dan welcomes Ben back to the loft with open arms and a gleam in his eye that can only mean waffles in Ben’s future.