You know how busy people are always like “I wish there were two of me!”? Well, there are five of Blair (herself, three minions, and Dorota) and it’s still not enough to maintain the fact that she goes to school and works full time at W. She can’t keep all the balls in the air until Dan Humphrey comes to her rescue and demands she admit she needs his help. Naturally, she declines, but he saves her bacon anyway by writing her blog post for her. W still fires her, presumably having remembered that they don’t hire twenty-year-olds who are two weeks into their internships, and Blair goes all the way to Brooklyn for solace, where she ends up falling asleep on Dan’s shoulder. We just know these two are bad news, but right now we can’t help finding them adorable. They’re like a poisonous kitten or something.
Chuck and Lily have a messy public fight at a restaurant, but it’s all a charade — these two are too despicable to stay mad at each other for long. Actually, they’re in cahoots to get around Thorpe. Lily pretends to have feelings for Thorpe to distract him, while Chuck sneaks into his office. Unfortunately, Lily’s wiles are too potent for her to control, and an overeager Russell shows up at Eric’s birthday party. Although he soon figures out their scheme, it’s too late: Chuck has already found Thorpe’s financial backer in acquiring Bass Industries and he has a chance to talk him out of the deal. Oh, and Rufus is there! He gets to be in cahoots too, for about 30 seconds. He gets very excited about it.
Nate has orders from Chuck to get him back into Raina’s good graces. Instead, he ends up charming the pants off her himself — almost literally. Raina, who seems totally over Chuck, is smitten with Nate’s lifestyle of pot, video games, and ice cream. They don’t kiss or anything, but we’re pretty sure Raina’s already put “seduce Nate” into her calendar.
Serena and Ben
Serena and Ben are having trouble finding a place to consummate their relationship — which must be new for Serena, who has always seemed liked she’d be willing to have sex in the middle of a parade. Affairs are complicated when Damien forces Eric to pick up a huge cocaine shipment coming into the country in boxes of tulips, or he’ll reveal Lily’s perjury. Serena tries to protect Eric by asking Blair to get the coke picked up safely, but it’s not a good day to ask Blair for favors. One of her many post-its goes astray and Dan ends up picking up regular tulips instead of drug tulips. Before Eric can pay Damien off, Lily finds out what they’re up to and decides it’s time to take responsibility for her own mistakes. By paying Damien off herself. Wow, she’s really growing as a person.
Damien and Vanessa
Ben follows Damien and tells him to leave Lily alone, pointing out that his felonious friends beat up Nate’s dad at his say-so and they could do the same to Damien. Unfortunately, this well-intentioned threat is overheard by Vanessa, who’s just come back to town and is trying (and so far, failing) to get back in Dan’s good graces. What will she do with the info? By the end of the night, she’s placing a call to Serena...
As for Damien, he might be down, but he’s not out. He goes to Russell Thorpe and offers him the information on Lily. Looks like our two big bad guys will be working together.
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Get in the mood for next week's episode, "The Empire of the Son" with the sneak peek gallery below!