Something is rotten in the state of New York, you guys. Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 18, “Con-Heir” packed a few sucker-punches (albeit ones we definitely saw coming). Let’s quickly recap! First off, due to hepatitis and his time at Eton (an unlikely pairing), Uncle Jack definitely didn’t donate the blood that saved Chuck’s life. Blair and Dan have some majorly meh sex and they’re both awkward about telling the truth about just how boring their first time was. Then, our blonde princess Serena vdW decides to up and take the Gossip Girl reins, clumsily blowing up her mother’s more seasoned scheming.

 

Dorota, as always, had some of the best lines including: “You looking for answer in wrong borough.” But, with all the swirling drama, we thought there would be more answers — and we were honestly hoping for less Ivy. Instead, we have double the questions as when we started. Namely: Who is Chuck’s mom? And: Why won’t Dan cut his hair? But, most importantly: Where is Monkey?