When we last left Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley), he was heartbroken. Typical Lonely Boy Dan, we suppose. But this time, the news that Blair (Leighton Meester) was his love in name only came thanks to the nameless — Gossip Girl, that is. After a snippet of B’s diary clued Dan in to his Blair-less future, Dair crumbled and a new union was formed.
But, like some unions, this one seems a little unholy for our taste. We’re talking about Dan and Georgina Sparks’s professional union. Oh, did you forget? When Dan found out that everything he thought was true was a lie (C’mon, Brooklyn, you’ve learned that at least once a season for five years...), he realized what he had to do — destroy the Upper East Side for good, one line of prose at a time. And just how to do that was obvious (it starts with a G and ends with trouble).
So, when we first saw pictures of Georgina and Dan reunited in Central Park, we thought nothing of it. After all, the two have to talk some time if she’s going to help him write the version of Inside he should have been writing from the beginning.
But then we saw this spoiler photo: Dan and Georgina, intertwined in ways that bring our flashbacks quickly and painfully to the surface, and make us curl up into the fetal position.
Well, well, well, what have we here? Lonely Boy doesn’t look quite so lonely, with Georgina Sparks keeping him standing, um, erect.
Silly Dan, don’t you remember what happened the last time you and G let (ahem) sparks fly? Let us refresh your memory: nothing good happened.
First of all, Georgina kind of lost her mind. And 2, she told you she was pregnant with your baby, and then used you for your sweet pad and overly open arms. Then, she went crazy some more and disappeared. So, what do you think would happen if you tried again? Probably total world destruction.
But go ahead, Dan. After all, you’ve proven time and time again that you really do have great judgment...
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