Blair Waldorf is getting married! She’s having a baby! She’s about to have a perfect royal nuclear family that is in no way a house of cards about to come crashing down!

...Yeah, right. If B’s baby is really Prince Louis’, why is she being so squirrelly about the test results? We still think there’s a solid chance it’s Chuck’s bun in her oven. Here’s a few ways we’ll be able to tell if Blair’s produced a royal Basstard:

Credit: Jose Perez/Splash News Photo: Ed Westwick Peeks Around a Corner While Filming Gossip Girl in New York City on October 25, 2011

1. He’s born in an ascot.

2. He won’t take a bottle, but has to drink his milk out of a martini glass.

3. His bassinet in the hospital nursery somehow ends up flanked by a pair of blonde newborn twins.

4. Instead of crying, he broods.

5. His favorite movie is Burlesque.

6. He gets a rash if his diapers aren’t 100% silk.

7. The other kids make houses out of Play-doh. He makes mixed-use condo skyscrapers.

8. He has to have the top bunk at sleepovers because “That’s the penthouse.”

9. He tries to trade Blair for Liechtenstein.

10. His first words are “I’m Chuck Bass. Jr.”

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