Chuck and Blair, Dan and Vanessa, Serena and Nate — everyone was sexing this week, except for Jenny, who once again failed to snare Damien in her extensions. This ep had plenty of hot action, but it was really all about parents and children. Mainly how parents suck. Let us count the ways!
Chuck's mystery woman wants to get in touch, but he prefers to stalk her and search her apartment, even after he becomes certain she's really his mom. But Serena, in a giving mood because of all the (hot!) sex she and Nate have been having, decides to force the issue, inviting her to lunch. Chuck offers her a check if she'll take off and, much to his chagrin, she takes it. Lady, do NOT break Chuck's heart or we will come after you! Serena and her daddy issues will not take no for an answer and she finally gets Chuck and Mom Of Chuck to have coffee — and with Nate's support, she calls her own dad and tells him she's done trying to track him down. Yeah, this isn't the last we've heard of Daddy van der Woodsen...
Vanessa and Dan, both quietly freaking about Dan's profession of love, quickly scare up convenient love interests to avoid the awkwardness. Said love interests quite sensibly dump D and V and head off into the sunset together, leaving the Brooklyn Connection to admit they both have feelings for each other and that it scares them. They have sex anyway (hmm. cute... or creepy?) and all is happy in NYUville — for the moment.
IN MY LADY'S PENTHOUSE
Jenny agrees to go a-dealing with Damien and to hide his stash, even though he barely pretends to care about her. Lily catches them together and thinks they were having sex. She calls Rufus, who's justifiably pissed at Jenny and less justifiably jerky to Lily. R grounds Jenny, tells her they're moving back to Brooklyn, and that she can't see Damien again. (Wow, Rufus. Way to go for not letting your kids walk all over you for once!) Jenny thinks this is a good time to discuss the status of her relationship with Damien. When it becomes clear he's just not that into her, she retaliates by showing Rufus the pills. This somehow fails to convince Rufus that Damien is a suitable boyfriend for her, and Little J runs away again, this time to a drug dealer instead of a pyromaniac model. Progress? Lily begs Rufus to stay, but he storms out — and Vanya brings her the scarf that Rufus left in Holland's apartment. Yeah, Rufus better run to Brooklyn...