Posdravlayu! That's "Congratulations!" in Russian, because Vanya and Dorota get hitched this week. It's the most drama-free wedding ever — for the blissful bride and groom, that is. Everyone else in town has the wedding bell blues. Let's work our way through the seating chart, shall we?
The Wedding Party
Dorota freaks out because her parents are coming to visit and they don't know she's knocked up and unmarried. Chuck, overhearing her predicament, decides to throw a lavish last-minute wedding for her and Vanya. Of course it's not out of the goodness of his heart. He's trying to win B back, playing on her love of weddings. Chuck tells Dorota that he and Blair will be the "happy couple" who escort them into the chapel, and B goes along with the pretense — and even agrees to get back together with him for real, because she thinks they're both such awful people they deserve each other. But B's self-esteem can't remain at such a low ebb for long — one last-minute pre-wedding breakdown, one heart-to-heart with Dorota, and B realizes she does deserve happiness. She re-dumps Chuck, who finds comfort in the arms of a gargantuan Russian girl from Brighton Beach.
Cyrus morphs into a sort of gleeful wedding elf. It's adorable, especially when he reveals his wedding gift: an apartment. Eleanor does not approve of dropping that kind of dough on the help — but when she sees Dorota comfort Blair, she realizes that Dorota really is family. Awww!
'Friends and Family' Table
What is up with the van der Woodsen women and lying about stuff that has nothing to do with infidelity, yet seems like infidelity if you lie about it? First, Serena: S ditches Nate for a "brunch with the Humphreys" that's actually an appointment with Carter Baizen. Carter has finally tracked down S's father, but for some reason Serena's super sketch about it and won't loop Nate in. Jenny, naturally, takes advantage of this to drive a wedge between them at every turn: ratting out Serena's brunch absenteeism, fishing a key to Carter's hotel out of S's purse, and then failing to relay a phone message to Nate.
Dan fetches ice. Exciting week for him.
Crashers and Ditchers
If Serena is playing a dangerous game with Nate, so is another V der W woman: Rufus tries to track down Lily, only to find that she's lied — again — about being with CeCe. But Serena knows where she is: When she knocks at her father's hotel room, who should open the door but Lily? In a robe, no less. Someone's got some 'splainin' to do.
Eric is freaking out over Eliot, the cute boy he met last week. He wants to ask him out but doesn't know if he's gay or not. Then Eliot shows up at the wedding — girlfriend in tow. That answers that, or at least a crushed Eric assumes so. But then Eliot tells him he's a) bi and b) into Eric. A smitten E doesn't notice that Eliot didn't say anything about being c) single. We spy rocks ahead for these two!