Applause to the Gossip Girl writers: Snappy lines are the main reason we tune in each week. Keep the Bassness coming!
10. This is what we will be calling Dan and Vanessa from now on.
Serena: Eva actually seems nice and even if she isn’t it’s not your business anymore.
Blair: Oh, and it’s your business to be monitoring Nate and Juliet? And even worse, Humphrey and Dumpty?
9. Dan is sensitive to Eva’s sex worker past.
Blair: The woman is a saint. She didn’t turn away from those pictures of starving children or recoil from those creepy cat rescuers. She didn’t even cringe when that homeless man licked her arm!
Dan: She might be used to weird guys licking her.
8. We sense a “Your mom” joke in the offing.
Serena: It was just so easy in Paris.
Blair: You were just so easy in Paris.
7. Blair loves a good hooker pun.
Blair: I thought finding out your honey was a hooker would be enough to sway you but you just rewarded her for her tricks. Pun intended.
6. Bling-blinded Dorota
Dorota (on Eva’s fancy Cartier watch): How can she even see time through all that sparkly?
5. How is a soap star rich enough to live next to Blair?
Dorota: Sorry, Miss Blair, no papers today. I think maybe 8H steal them again.
Blair: Dorota, we both know it was you, not Susan Lucci, who took my papers.
3. You sell a girl for a hotel one time and she never lets you forget it.
Eva: The Chuck I know has always been kind and generous. Even when he had nothing himself.
Blair: You should have known him before he was shot. Once he sold me for a hotel.
Chuck: She knows. We have no secrets.
Blair: Blackmailers must be weeping all over town.
2. Chuck Bass is back, and he’s ice cold.
Eva: I’ll pack my things.
Chuck: Only the things you came with.
1. Blair sacrifices luxury for scheming
Blair: It just so happens that my watch is broken.
Serena: You were wearing it yesterday and it worked perfectly fine.
[Blair smashes her watch against the counter.] Blair: Well now it doesn’t.