Applause to the Gossip Girl writers: Snappy lines are the main reason we tune in each week, and Season 5, Episode 2’s “Beauty and The Feast” did not disappoint. Keep the Bassness coming!

Credit: Janet Mayer/Splash News Photo: Chace Crawford and Elizabeth Hurley Film Gossip Girl on July 13, 2011

10. The first rule about Bridge Club is: you do not talk about Bridge Club
Serena: My only issue is living with CeCe. Last night at 2 AM her bridge game turned brutal. The neighbor even came and complained.

9. For Blair, compassion is a warning sign
Dan: Blair, what’s going on? I thought you were mad at me.
Blair: And I forgive you if you shut up and guard the door.
Dan: It’s not like you to forgive me. Or run away from a feast.

8. Blair has her first pregnancy checkup — well, sorta
OB GYN: Dorota, how are you?
Blair: She’s fine. I’m Blair, Dorota’s employer. I have a few questions.
Dorota: Just go with it. Is only way.
Blair: What about breast sensitivity? She practically screams when anyone touches them. I can hear her all the way in Queens.
Doctor: Perfectly normal.
Blair: Great. And how long until she can determine the father of her child? She’s had a few one night stands with the staff of our building...
Dorota: Blair Cornelia Waldorf!

7. Very distant...
Dorota: You are pregnant, too! We are like sisters now!
Blair gives her a look.
Dorota: ... Cousins.
Another look.
Dorota: Distant cousins.

6. Chuck hits below the belt
Chuck (after Nate's one-night-stand angrily flees the apartment): It's a good thing you don't offer satisfaction guaranteed or she'd be your third refund this week.

5. Hey! Those weird lips pay the Housewives’ bills
Max (Charlie’s boyfriend): I don’t want to end up like everybody else who comes to LA with dreams, only to find out that LA is where dreams come to die. Or you get those weird lips everyone has here.

4. Dan and Chuck together? Weird, indeed!
Nate (to Dan): I was going to ask how your summer’s going, but since you’re with Chuck, I’m guessing the answer’s probably, “Weird.”

3. Pregnant Blair = Same ol’ Blair
Dorota: Saltines only thing I eat for months with Ana.
Blair: It’s not the same. Your people were bred to work through these conditions and give birth in a field.
Dorota: No fields in Krakow. And I have birthing suite in Lenox Hill.

2. The beginning of a beautiful bromance? Nahhh...
Dan: Treatment involves trying to make the patient feel again.
Chuck: That’s what I was doing before you showed up.
Dan: Well, how about instead of pain, you try to feel good things? I could tickle you.

1. See? There’s still hope!
Blair: What if i lose everything?
Dan: You’ll still have me.

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Credit: YouTube Photo: Sneak Peek! Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 3: "The Jewel of Denial" [VIDEO]