Applause to the Gossip Girl writers: Snappy lines are the main reason we tune in each week, and Season 5, Episode 3’s “The Jewel of Denial” did not disappoint. Keep the Bassness coming!

Credit: Giovanni Rufino©2011 The CW Network, LLC Photo: Nate Archibald and Diana Payne Talk in Gossip Girl Season 5, Episode 3: “The Jewel of Denial”

10. Well, not according to the Department Of Labor.
Blair (Leighton Meester): An employee with one child is annoying. Two is grounds for termination.

9. Ivy's Batsh*t Mitzvah
Serena (Blake Lively): This place is practically a mecca for psychotic freaks. Everyone goes off the rails at some point on the Upper East Side. It's practically our version of a Bat Mitzvah.

8. Chuck's probably been the target of a bounty hunter or two.
Noah Shapiro: Have you seen the bestseller lists lately? Unless you're friends with Rizzoli and Isles or related to a bounty hunter, no one will give a crap about your book. You'll be lucky to make it into the remainder bin at the Strand.

7. At least she's got an anchor baby.
Blair: Go away. I'm preparing for my interview with Hello! Magazine.
Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski): But doctor's office call again! They have test results!
Blair: Hang up or I’ll tell the reporter you’re undocumented!

6. Dan breaks out the big emo guns...
Chuck (Ed Westwick): (staring at his new puppy) I suffered through mediocre sex with an editor's assistant to find out who's publishing your book and this is how you repay me?
Dan (Penn Badgley): Chuck, you felt nothing after Field Of Dreams, so I'm taking it to the next level. If that movie can't make you feel, maybe this little guy can.

5. How Chuck makes a persuasive argument
Dan: I have to see my old mentor, Noah Shapiro. It'll take some persuading but I think he'll help.
Chuck: I have some kneepads in the bedroom if you need them.

4. Zabars is delicious, though.
Dorota: Mr. Humphrey coming over to help with letter opening.
Blair: Mention that name again and you'll be exiled to work someplace horrible. Like the Upper West Side. And you know what happens to housekeepers there.
Dorota: (Darkly) Zabars zombies.

3. That should be a Hallmark card.
Dorota: (pointedly, to Blair) I must say, best part of pregnancy is knowing who father is.

2. Also his fur coats are covered with paint now
Nate (Chace Crawford): (re: Monkey) Whoa, who's this little guy?
Dan: He's Chuck's new, uh —
Chuck: Drunken mistake. Never sleep with a girl from PETA.

1. Uh, remember how that ended?
Nate: You had everyone's phones taken, why didn't you just look through them?
Diana (Elizabeth Hurley): Nate, that's brilliant! And if we act fast we can have them back before anyone even knows they've gone. It's a one stop shop of illicit emails, incriminating photos, and sex. Are you sure you didn't work for News Corp?

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