Season 6, Episode 5: "Monstrous Ball" was full of head-scratching “huh”s and hand-waving “WTF”s. If you weren’t gesticulating like a Jewish grandmother, you weren’t watching Gossip Girl with your thinking cap on. It seemed like every character was having an identity crisis and every quip was chock full of either six meanings — or zero. So, what stuck out the most to us as the OMG-est of the OMGs?
1. Dorota becomes as dense as Lily vdW, and b. Lily becomes wise (for a second)
Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski) is brilliant. She has a sixth sense that alerts her whenever Blair (Leighton Meester) is in trouble or might do something stupid. She wears a trench coat like a champ and makes us all seem like total amateurs when it comes to finding out the truth. So, it was a little hard to believe that she would slip up and wave Blair’s engagement ring in Dan (Penn Badgley)’s face, and say that it’s a “lucky charm” when it’s clearly an engagement ring. She would never do that. That is something Lily (Kelly Rutherford) would do.
And while we’re on the subject of Lily, how is that she ended up being the momentary voice of reason? She calls out Serena (Blake Lively) for being immature and terrible at relationships. And we can momentarily ignore the hypocrisy when she says “You don’t have boyfriends, you have life rafts.” Plus, she totally sees through Chuck (Ed Westwick)’s terrible scheming. Next up? Let’s work on the Bart blinder, shall we, Lil?
2. Wait, when did Nate become funny?
Nate is funny? You guys. Nate is funny. Or, at least, he was on the episode. Sure, he’s dating Sage (Sophia Black-D’Elia), which still makes us super uncomfortable, but he seems to be the only one capable of joking about Steven, which needs to be done much more (c’mon, we can’t carry the whole weight of the mocking). At one point, he says to Serena, “Well, her dad doesn’t usually come up in conversations. Could it be that Steven hooked up with your mom in a dungeon in grade school?” ZING! We’ve got a live one, folks!
3. The references. Oh god, the references.
Look, we’ve seen the show, too, GG showrunners. If you’re out of content, we’ll write it for you. Apparently they’re about as stoked about writing scripts as we are to watch what comes out of it. This season they’ve had amusing callbacks to past episodes, but had thus far veiled them in storyline. This time? Not so much. Here are a few:
- Blair calls out Serena for losing her V card with Nate. You guys. That was like FIFTY YEARS AGO in scandal years.
- Nate references punching Carter Baizen while dancing with Sage at Cotillion. Yeah. We remember. Was that your proudest moment, dude? Actually, nevermind. We can see that.
- We had such a “stop trying to make Fetch happen” moment when EVERYONE kept referencing Dan and Blair’s past love. Cut it out, guys. We remember. That ship sailed. Now stop wearing gray shirts with your tux, Dan, and get back to your book. And while you’re writing, maybe work on some scripts.