Gossip Girl’s back! But is it just us, or has it mellowed in its old age? Maybe it’s all that California sun, but GG seemed a bit, well, calm. When the most exciting thing that happens is a car crash that everybody walks away from, the show needs to step up its OMG game a bit. Most of the big plot developments were just rehashing the Season 4 finale. Well, we have faith that they’re setting us up for bigger things to come. Here are this week’s top OMG moments, such as they are.
Serena is holding down a steady job:
Honestly, this is the most shocking thing to happen to S in years. She really went a whole summer without sleeping with her boss, getting roofied, or taking the lead actress’s job? Good for her! For anyone else, that would be the bare minimum of professional behavior — but for S, it’s a huge accomplishment.
Vanessa sold Dan’s novel:
Ugh. We were kind of looking forward to a Vanessa-free Gossip Girl. But she’s still just as judgmental and manipulative as ever, and now Jessica Szohr isn’t even around to lend some charm to V’s heinous behavior. Who publishes someone’s novel against their will? Who does that? And her whole rationale is like, “He wants it, he just doesn’t know it.” V may think she’s a sensitive hippie, but she has the soul of a date rapist.
Dan tries to steal Blair:
Of course, Dan doesn’t exactly cover himself in glory in this ep either. After all this time, Lonely Boy still doesn’t know how schemes work — you can’t steal your dream girl away from her fiance when said fiance is only in the doghouse because of you. We did enjoy how completely lovesick Dan looked in that scene though.
Chuck crashes his motorcycle:
Chuck may think he’s gone all Zen, but just like last year when he tried to become a French peasant, the simple life only works for him until Queen B makes her grand re-entrance. Although frankly, if a guy is like “I have crashed my motorcycle because I miss you,” that’s not a terribly compelling reason to go back to him. Step up your game, Bass.
Blair is pregnant:
Who wants to bet she’ll miscarry right around November sweeps, just when Eric Daman would have to stop dressing her in couture? Oh, and who’s the father? So far our only suspects are Chuck and Louis — but is it possible that more happened between Dan and Blair than we know?
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